The Wistful Ashes

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The glass bead necklace lay on the table. It was a thing of blue and white, strung on silk that had once been bright. Now the silk was frayed, soft with age and the oils of hands that had touched it too often. Margaret stood by the window. The rain fell in sheets against the glass. It was a cold rain. It smelled of iron and damp earth. She watched the water slide down the pane. It blurred the world outside. The factory chimneys were dark. They stood like dead men against the grey sky. The town was sleeping. Or perhaps it was dying. It was hard to tell the difference.

She looked back at the necklace. She did not pick it up. Not yet. Her fingers twitched. They wanted to reach for it. They wanted the cool weight of the glass against her palm. But she stayed still. She was a statue. A woman made of stone and silence. The house was large. It was too large for one. The rooms echoed. The floorboards creaked under her weight. They sounded like bones breaking. She had lived here for ten years. Ten years with him. Ten years of waiting.

He was not there. He had left that morning. He had not said goodbye. He had only packed a bag. A single bag. He looked at her once. His eyes were empty. They were holes in the wall. Then he was gone. The door closed. The lock clicked. The sound was small. It was final. It cut through the air like a knife. She had not cried. She had not screamed. She had only stood there. She had watched the dust motes dance in the light. They were golden. They were fleeting. They were gone before she could name them.

The necklace was his. He had bought it in the city. It was a trinket. A cheap thing. But he had given it to her with such care. He had said it was for her. He had said she was light. He had said she was the only bright thing in his dark life. She had believed him. She had worn it every day. It had become part of her skin. Part of her breath. It was the anchor. It was the chain. It was the thing that held her to him.

Now it was just glass. Just blue and white. Just a thing on the table.

She moved to the center of the room. The floor was cold. She could feel it through her stockings. She spread her arms. She was wide. She was open. The air was thin. It tasted of ash. The house was full of ash. It was in the corners. It was in the cracks. It was in her lungs. She breathed it in. She breathed it out. It was the breath of the town. It was the breath of the machine. It was the breath of the end.

She thought of the factory. The great iron beast that roared all day. It never slept. It never stopped. It ate the coal. It ate the time. It ate the men. It spat out the smoke. The smoke was grey. The smoke was heavy. It settled on the roofs. It settled on the clothes. It settled on the faces. The people walked with their heads down. They did not look up. To look up was to see the sky. To see the sky was to see the limit. They preferred the ground. They preferred the dark. They preferred the work.

Margaret did not work. She waited. She was the keeper of the house. She was the keeper of the silence. She was the keeper of the necklace. She wore it until it was dull. She washed it until it was clean. She polished it until it shone. But the shine was fake. It was a lie. It was the lie of the glass. It reflected the light. It did not make it. It was only a mirror. And mirrors are cold. Mirrors are hard. Mirrors break.

She looked at the necklace again. It was whole. It was intact. But she felt the crack. She felt it in her chest. It was a hairline fracture. It was invisible. But it was there. It was growing. It was widening. It would shatter. She knew it would shatter. She had known it for days. She had known it since he packed his bag. She had known it since he looked at her with those empty eyes. She had known it since the first snow fell.

The rain continued. It hammered on the roof. It sounded like applause. It sounded like rain. It was indifferent. It did not care about her. It did not care about him. It did not care about the necklace. It was only water. It was only nature. It was only time.

She sat down. The chair was wooden. It was hard. It hurt her back. She did not move. She stayed still. She watched the dust. The dust was settling. It was covering the table. It was covering the necklace. It was covering everything. The grey was winning. The grey was always winning. It covered the bright things. It covered the warm things. It covered the living things.

She reached out. Her hand trembled. It was a small tremor. It was a quiet thing. But it was real. It was the first sign. The first crack. The hand moved toward the necklace. It hovered above it. It did not touch it. It hung in the air. It was a bridge. It was a gap. It was the space between the self and the object. The space between the desire and the act.

She thought of his face. She thought of the light in his eyes. It was gone. It was extinguished. Like a candle in the wind. Like a star in the day. It was gone. And she was here. Alone. With the glass.

She picked it up. The glass was cold. It was smooth. It was hard. She held it in her palm. It felt heavy. It felt light. It was both. It was neither. It was a thing. A blue and white thing. A thing that meant nothing. A thing that meant everything.

She closed her eyes. She felt the weight. She felt the cold. She felt the silence. The silence was loud. It was a roar. It was a scream. It was the sound of the house settling. It was the sound of the world ending. It was the sound of her heart stopping.

She opened her eyes. The necklace was in her hand. It was whole. But she was not. She was fractured. She was broken. She was a thing of pieces. She was a thing of glass.

She walked to the fireplace. The fire was out. It was cold. It was dead. The ashes were grey. They were soft. They were powdery. She knelt down. Her knees hurt. She did not care. She held the necklace over the ashes. She held it high. She held it up to the light. The light was dim. The light was grey. The light was the only thing left.

She dropped it.

The sound was sharp. It was clear. It was a single note. It hung in the air. It did not fade. It did not die. It stayed. It was the last sound. The last thing. The end.

The beads scattered. They rolled across the hearth. They clinked against the stone. They were blue. They were white. They were bright. They were beautiful. They were broken.

She watched them. She watched the pieces. They were separate. They were distinct. They were free. They were no longer a chain. They were no longer a circle. They were no longer a whole. They were shards. They were fragments. They were dust.

She did not cry. She did not move. She stayed kneeling. She watched the pieces. She saw her face in them. She saw his face in them. She saw the house in them. She saw the town in them. She saw the rain in them. She saw the fire in them. She saw the end in them.

It was beautiful. It was terrible. It was true.

The rain stopped. The silence returned. It was deeper now. It was heavier. It was complete. The house was still. The town was still. The world was still.

Margaret stood up. Her legs were stiff. Her back was sore. She felt the ache. She felt the loss. It was a hollow space. It was a void. It was a hole in the air.

She walked to the window. The sky was clearing. The clouds were parting. The light was coming. It was pale. It was cold. It was new. It was the light of morning. It was the light of a new day. It was the light of nothing.

She looked out. The factory chimneys were still dark. But the air was different. It was cleaner. It was lighter. It was free. The smoke was rising. It was thinning. It was disappearing. It was gone.

She turned back to the room. The pieces of the necklace were on the floor. They were scattered. They were lost. They were gone. She did not pick them up. She did not try to fix them. She did not try to remember them. She let them be. She let them be broken. She let them be dust.

She walked to the door. She opened it. The air rushed in. It was cold. It was sharp. It was alive. It filled her lungs. It filled her body. It filled her soul.

She stepped out. The door closed behind her. The lock clicked. The sound was small. It was final. It was gone.

She walked down the street. The street was empty. The houses were dark. The people were gone. The world was quiet. The world was still. The world was hers.

She walked on. She did not look back. She did not look down. She did not look up. She walked forward. She walked into the light. She walked into the cold. She walked into the free.

She was alone. She was free. She was broken. She was whole.

The glass was gone. The chain was broken. The circle was open. The end was beginning. The beginning was ending. The time was now. The now was forever.

She was Margaret. She was nothing. She was everything.

The light grew. The cold bit. The air burned. The world turned. The world moved. The world was.

She was there.

She was gone.

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