You look at it, do you not? You look at the chalice until your eyes ache and the gold seems to dissolve into the air, leaving only a hollow space where the weight used to be, and I tell you, I have not touched it in three years, not once, not when the rain lashed the windows of this tower room and the wind howled like a dying thing, and yet you sit there with that expression, that look of accusation that has grown so familiar it has become a second skin, as if I have done something so heinous that the very stones of this castle should crumble into dust to bury me, and I want to laugh, I want to scream, I want to shatter the chalice against the floor and see if the sound is real, but I am too tired, I am so incredibly tired, my bones feel like they are filled with sand, and I am old, I am so old, and the time we had is gone, and you are here, you are always here, standing in the shadow of the door, your face a mask of such profound betrayal that it makes my heart stutter in my chest, and I know, I know what you think, you think I sold it, you think I traded the relic of our house for a few coins to buy wine and warmth, you think I let it go, you think I abandoned it to the darkness, but I did not, I did not let it go, I kept it, I kept it close, I kept it in the place where the light could not reach, I kept it in the dark, I kept it in the cold, I kept it in the silence, and that is the thing you cannot understand, that is the thing that breaks your heart, that I did not lose it, I did not discard it, I did not forget it, I simply stopped using it, I stopped filling it, I stopped drinking from it, and I let it sit there, in the velvet case, in the drawer, in the corner of my mind, and I let it rust, I let it tarnish, I let it fade, I let it become a memory of a thing that once was bright, and that is not betrayal, that is not sin, that is only life, that is only the slow, inevitable decay of all things that are precious, and you cannot see that, you cannot see the difference between losing something and letting it go, you cannot see the difference between theft and surrender, you see only the absence, you see only the empty place where the gold should be, and you hate me for it, you hate me for keeping it away from you, you hate me for hoarding the past, and I hate you for your blindness, I hate you for your need for the shiny thing, the bright thing, the thing that promises eternity, and we are trapped here, in this tower, in this time, in this endless cycle of accusation and denial, and I tell you, I did not lose it, I did not sell it, I did not give it away, I kept it, I kept it safe, I kept it from the world, I kept it from you, I kept it for myself, and that is the only truth, that is the only truth I have left, and you will not believe me, you will never believe me, because you are afraid, you are afraid that if I kept it, if I chose to keep it, then I chose to keep the distance, I chose to keep the wall, I chose to keep the silence, and you cannot stand that, you cannot stand the idea that I chose you less, that I chose the object over the person, that I chose the symbol over the substance, and so you accuse, you accuse, you accuse, and I am tired, I am so tired, and the chalice is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, it is dark there, it is cold there, and it is alone, and it is mine, and it is not yours, and it is not the world’s, and it is not the past’s, it is only mine, and I will not give it up, I will not give it up, I will not give it up, and I will sit here, in this chair, in this light, in this silence, and I will wait, I will wait for you to leave, I will wait for the storm to pass, I will wait for the sun to rise, and I will keep it, I will keep it, I will keep it, and I will die with it, and that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do.

The room was small, circular, the walls stone, the floor stone, the window narrow, high, and I sat in the center of it, in a chair that had no legs, only a stone block, and I looked at the chalice, I looked at it, I looked at it, and I saw the tarnish, I saw the dark spots, I saw the dullness, and I thought of the day I last held it, the day my hand shook, the day my breath caught, the day I knew I could not do it again, and I put it away, I put it away, I put it away, and I have not taken it out since, and you are here, you are here, you are here, and you are angry, you are angry, you are angry, and I am tired, I am tired, I am tired, and the chalice is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, and it is alone, and it is mine, and it is not yours, and it is not the world’s, and it is not the past’s, it is only mine, and I will not give it up, I will not give it up, I will not give it up, and I will sit here, in this chair, in this light, in this silence, and I will wait, I will wait for you to leave, I will wait for the storm to pass, I will wait for the sun to rise, and I will keep it, I will keep it, I will keep it, and I will die with it, and that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do.

You think I am a thief, you think I am a traitor, you think I am a fool, and maybe I am, maybe I am, maybe I am, but I am not a thief, I did not steal it, it was given to me, it was mine, it was mine, it was mine, and I did not sell it, I did not trade it, I did not give it away, I kept it, I kept it, I kept it, and that is the truth, that is the truth, that is the truth, and you will not believe it, you will not believe it, you will not believe it, because you are afraid, you are afraid, you are afraid, and I am tired, I am tired, I am tired, and the chalice is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, and it is alone, and it is mine, and it is not yours, and it is not the world’s, and it is not the past’s, it is only mine, and I will not give it up, I will not give it up, I will not give it up, and I will sit here, in this chair, in this light, in this silence, and I will wait, I will wait for you to leave, I will wait for the storm to pass, I will wait for the sun to rise, and I will keep it, I will keep it, I will keep it, and I will die with it, and that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do.

The light changed, the light changed, the light changed, and I saw the shadow of my hand, I saw the shadow of my face, I saw the shadow of the chair, and I thought of the days, I thought of the years, I thought of the time, and I knew I was old, I knew I was old, I knew I was old, and I knew I was alone, I knew I was alone, I knew I was alone, and the chalice was in the drawer, it was in the drawer, it was in the drawer, and it was alone, and it was mine, and it was not yours, and it was not the world’s, and it was not the past’s, it was only mine, and I will not give it up, I will not give it up, I will not give it up, and I will sit here, in this chair, in this light, in this silence, and I will wait, I will wait for you to leave, I will wait for the storm to pass, I will wait for the sun to rise, and I will keep it, I will keep it, I will keep it, and I will die with it, and that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do.

You are leaving, you are leaving, you are leaving, and I am staying, I am staying, I am staying, and the chalice is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, it is in the drawer, and it is alone, and it is mine, and it is not yours, and it is not the world’s, and it is not the past’s, it is only mine, and I will not give it up, I will not give it up, I will not give it up, and I will sit here, in this chair, in this light, in this silence, and I will wait, I will wait for the storm to pass, I will wait for the sun to rise, and I will keep it, I will keep it, I will keep it, and I will die with it, and that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do, that is the only thing I can do.