The Distant Machine
The letter lies in your hands. The ink is black. The paper is thin. You are walking. The ground is hard. It is cold. You do not stop. You walk north. The path is old. The trees are bare. The sky is gray. You hold the letter. You do not read it. You know what it says. You have always known.
The village is behind you. It burns. You see the smoke. It rises like a ghost. You do not look back. You look at the road. The road is straight. It leads to the forest. The forest is dark. You walk into it. The branches scratch your face. You do not feel them. Your eyes are dry. Your heart is stone. You are Margaret. You are alone.
There is a man in the trees. He stands still. He is tall. He wears a gray coat. He is Thomas. He is your brother. He is your enemy. He looks at you. His eyes are empty. He does not speak. You stop. You stand before him. The air is still. The birds do not sing. The wind has died. You look at his face. You see your own face in his. It is a mirror. It is broken.
"Thomas," you say. Your voice is low. It is soft. It is the voice of a child. It is the voice of a woman who has lost everything.
He does not answer. He takes a step forward. The leaves crunch under his boot. The sound is loud. It is sharp. It cuts the silence. You take a step back. Your foot sinks into the mud. The mud is black. It is cold. It clings to your shoe. You pull your foot out. You keep walking. You do not turn. You know he is following you. You can feel his breath on your neck. It is cold. It is heavy. It is the breath of the dead.
You walk for hours. The sun goes down. The dark comes fast. The forest is a maze. The trees are tall. They touch the sky. The shadows are long. They stretch across the path. You cannot see your hands. You cannot see your feet. You walk by memory. You walk by pain. The pain is in your chest. It is in your throat. It is in your bones. It is the pain of betrayal. It is the pain of love.
You find a clearing. It is small. It is round. There is a stone in the center. It is gray. It is smooth. You sit on it. You lean back. You close your eyes. The dark is total. The silence is absolute. You hear your own heartbeat. It is slow. It is steady. It is the only sound in the world. You open your eyes. Thomas is there. He is sitting on the ground. He is facing you. He is not moving. He is not breathing. He is a statue. He is a shadow.
You look at him. You see the truth. It is simple. It is terrible. He did not betray you. You betrayed him. You betrayed us. You chose the silence. You chose the distance. You chose the self. He tried to save you. He tried to hold you. He tried to keep you from the edge. You pushed him away. You pushed him into the dark. You pushed him into the madness. He is not your enemy. He is your ghost. He is the part of you that you cut away.
The letter is in your hand. You open it. The paper is damp. The ink is blurred. You read the words. They are yours. You wrote them. You wrote them years ago. You wrote them to him. You wrote them to yourself. You wrote them to the world.
I cannot stay. I must go. I am not enough. I am too much. I am the fire that burns. I am the ice that freezes. I am the silence that kills. I am the noise that drowns. I am the light that blinds. I am the dark that hides. I am the machine that stops. I am the heart that breaks. I am the soul that leaves.
You fold the letter. You put it in your pocket. You stand up. The stone is cold under your hand. The air is sharp. It bites your skin. You look at Thomas. He is still. He is waiting. You look at the forest. It is deep. It is endless. You look at the sky. It is clear. The stars are out. They are bright. They are cold. They are far away.
You begin to walk. You walk toward the trees. You walk toward the dark. You walk toward the end. The path is narrow. The roots are thick. They twist under your feet. You stumble. You fall. The ground is hard. Your knee hurts. You get up. You do not cry. You do not bleed. You walk on. The pain is sharp. It is clear. It is real.
Thomas is gone. You do not see him. You do not hear him. You do not feel him. He is in your mind. He is in your blood. He is in your bone. He is the weight you carry. He is the burden you bear. He is the love that consumes. It is a destructive love. It is a total love. It leaves nothing. It takes everything.
You walk out of the forest. The trees thin. The grass is high. It is green. It is soft. You walk into the field. The field is open. The sky is vast. The wind is strong. It blows your hair. It blows your clothes. It blows your tears away. You do not have tears. You have dust. You have ash. You have silence.
You reach the road. It is wide. It is flat. It goes to the city. The city is far. The city is loud. The city is bright. You do not go to the city. You stop. You stand on the side of the road. You look at the horizon. The horizon is a line. It is straight. It is unbroken. It is the edge of the world. It is the boundary of the path.
You look at your hands. They are red. They are swollen. They are dirty. They are the hands of a worker. They are the hands of a fighter. They are the hands of a lover. They are the hands of a ghost. You clench them. You unclench them. The pain is in your fingers. The pain is in your wrists. The pain is in your arms. The pain is in your soul.
You take the letter from your pocket. You look at it. The ink is dry. The words are clear. You know what they mean. You know what they cost. You know what they leave. You know what they take. You know the price of freedom. It is high. It is steep. It is paid in blood. It is paid in love. It is paid in self.
You tear the letter. You tear it in half. You tear it in quarters. You tear it in pieces. You throw the pieces into the wind. The wind takes them. The wind carries them. The wind scatters them. They fly like leaves. They fly like birds. They fly like ghosts. They disappear. They are gone. They are free.
You are free. You are alone. You are empty. You are full. You are nothing. You are everything. You stand on the road. You stand in the wind. You stand in the light. The light is bright. The light is warm. The light is hard. It burns your eyes. It burns your skin. It burns your soul.
You do not blink. You do not move. You do not breathe. You are still. You are stone. You are iron. You are steel. You are the machine that stops. You are the heart that breaks. You are the soul that leaves. You are the path that ends. You are the boundary that holds.
The sun rises. The light is golden. The light is sweet. The light is cruel. It shows you the world. It shows you the truth. The world is beautiful. The world is cruel. The world is indifferent. The world does not care. The world does not love. The world does not hate. The world is. You are.
You begin to walk. You walk away from the road. You walk into the grass. You walk into the dark. You walk into the silence. You walk into the self. You walk into the void. You walk into the end. You do not stop. You do not turn. You do not look back. You do not remember. You do not forget. You are. You are. You are.
The story ends. The letter is gone. The brother is gone. The love is gone. The pain is gone. The freedom is here. The cost is paid. The debt is settled. The machine is stopped. The heart is broken. The soul is free. The path is clear. The boundary is crossed. The end is near. The end is now. The end is you.
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