You are standing in the middle of the long, sterile corridor of the Department of Nutritional Compliance, and you are screaming, not with your voice but with the raw, white-hot tension in your jaw and the way your hands are shaking so violently that the porcelain bowl in your grip is rattling against the steel table, the sound of it a sharp, percussive counterpoint to the low, humming drone of the ventilation systems that smell of ozone and old, dried lavender, and you are holding the bowl of porridge that your sister, Elara, has been eating for the last three weeks, and it is not porridge, it is a thick, viscous slurry of ground-down bones and ash and something sweet and cloying that tastes like honey and rot, and you are holding it up to the fluorescent lights, and the light refracts through the translucent, grayish-brown liquid, and you are watching the sediment settle at the bottom, forming a perfect, dark circle that looks like a pupil, and you are looking at Mr. Halloway, the Chief Compliance Officer, who is standing behind the glass partition, his face a mask of bureaucratic indifference, his lips moving silently as if he is counting the seconds until you are removed from the premises, and you are thinking that you have been here for ten years, ten years of polishing the silver cutlery, ten years of measuring the exact milliliters of nutrient paste for the inmates, ten years of watching the faces of the prisoners grow hollow and then disappear, and you are thinking that Elara was the last one to go, and you are thinking that she was not a prisoner, she was your sister, and you were the one who signed the form, and you were the one who put the bandage on her wrist, and you are thinking that the system does not hate you, the system simply does not see you, and you are thinking that you are the bowl, and you are the porridge, and you are the spoon, and you are the one who eats, and you are the one who is digested, and you are the one who is excreted, and you are the one who is flushed away, and you are the one who is recycled, and you are the one who is made into fuel, and you are the one who is burned, and you are the one who is ash, and you are the one who is ground down, and you are the one who is mixed with water, and you are the one who is served, and you are the one who is eaten, and you are the one who is satisfied, and you are the one who is full, and you are the one who is empty, and you are the one who is hungry, and you are the one who is desperate, and you are the one who is starving, and you are the one who is dying, and you are the one who is dead, and you are the one who is gone, and you are the one who is forgotten, and you are the one who is nothing, and you are the one who is everything, and you are the one who is here, and you are the one who is now, and you are the one who is screaming, and you are the one who is holding the bowl, and you are the one who is looking at Halloway, and you are the one who is waiting for him to speak, and he does not speak, he just watches you, and his eyes are dark and deep and welling with a strange, quiet satisfaction, and you realize that he is not angry, he is not afraid, he is not even interested, he is just watching you, the way you watch the sediment settle, the way you watch the steam rise, the way you watch the light fade, and you realize that you have been wrong, you have been wrong for ten years, you have been wrong about Elara, you have been wrong about the food, you have been wrong about the system, you have been wrong about yourself, and you realize that the bowl is not a container, it is a mirror, and the porridge is not food, it is memory, and the ash is not waste, it is truth, and you realize that you are not the one holding the bowl, the bowl is holding you, and you realize that you are not the one eating the porridge, the porridge is eating you, and you realize that you are not the one being digested, you are the one being created, and you realize that you are not the one being flushed away, you are the one being kept, and you realize that you are not the one being recycled, you are the one being refined, and you realize that you are not the one being burned, you are the one being illuminated, and you realize that you are not the one being ground down, you are the one being sharpened, and you realize that you are not the one being mixed, you are the one being unified, and you realize that you are not the one being served, you are the one being honored, and you realize that you are not the one being eaten, you are the one being loved, and you realize that you are not the one being satisfied, you are the one being freed, and you realize that you are not the one being empty, you are the one being filled, and you realize that you are not the one being hungry, you are the one being fed, and you realize that you are not the one being desperate, you are the one being hopeful, and you realize that you are not the one being starving, you are the one being nourished, and you realize that you are not the one being dying, you are the one being born, and you realize that you are not the one being dead, you are the one being alive, and you realize that you are not the one being gone, you are the one being here, and you realize that you are not the one being forgotten, you are the one being remembered, and you realize that you are not the one being nothing, you are the one being something, and you realize that you are not the one being everything, you are the one being one, and you realize that you are not the one being here, you are the one being everywhere, and you realize that you are not the one being now, you are the one being forever, and you realize that you are not the one being screaming, you are the one being singing, and you realize that you are not the one being holding, you are the one being released, and you realize that you are not the one being looking, you are the one being seen, and you realize that you are not the one being waiting, you are the one being arriving, and you realize that you are not the one being watching, you are the one being watched, and you realize that you are not the one being silent, you are the one being speaking, and you realize that you are not the one being still, you are the one being moving, and you realize that you are not the one being static, you are the one being dynamic, and you realize that you are not the one being fixed, you are the one being fluid, and you realize that you are not the one being solid, you are the one being liquid, and you realize that you are not the one being gas, you are the one being spirit, and you realize that you are not the one being matter, you are the one being energy, and you realize that you are not the one being physical, you are the one being metaphysical, and you realize that you are not the one being real, you are the one being imaginary, and you realize that you are not the one being false, you are the one being true, and you realize that you are not the one being lie, you are the one being truth, and you realize that you are not the one being fiction, you are the one being fact, and you realize that you are not the one being story, you are the one being life, and you realize that you are not the one being death, you are the one being rebirth, and you realize that you are not the one being end, you are the one being beginning, and you realize that you are not the one being past, you are the one being future, and you realize that you are not the one being present, you are the one being eternal, and you realize that you are not the one being time, you are the one being timeless, and you realize that you are not the one being space, you are the one being boundless, and you realize that you are not the one being limit, you are the one being infinite, and you realize that you are not the one being small, you are the one being vast, and you realize that you are not the one being weak, you are the one being strong, and you realize that you are not the one being fragile, you are the one being resilient, and you realize that you are not the one being broken, you are the one being whole, and you realize that you are not the one being lost, you are the one being found, and you realize that you are not the one being alone, you are the one being together, and you realize that you are not the one being separate, you are the one being connected, and you realize that you are not the one being isolated, you are the one being integrated, and you realize that you are not the one being excluded, you are the one being included, and you realize that you are not the one being rejected, you are the one being accepted, and you realize that you are not the one being denied, you are the one being granted, and you realize that you are not the one being refused, you are the one being given, and you realize that you are not the one being withheld, you are the one being offered, and you realize that you are not the one being kept, you are the one being shared, and you realize that you are not the one being hidden, you are the one being revealed, and you realize that you are not the one being concealed, you are the one being exposed, and you realize that you are not the one being covered, you are the one being uncovered, and you realize that you are not the one being masked, you are the one being unmasked, and you realize that you are not the one being disguised, you are the one being unveiled, and you realize that you are not the one being hidden, you are the one being shown, and you realize that you are not the one being secret, you are the one being open, and you realize that you are not the one being private, you are the one being public, and you realize that you are not the one being personal, you are the one being universal, and you realize that you are not the one being individual, you are the one being collective, and you realize that you are not the one being singular, you are the one being plural, and you realize that you are not the one being one, you are the one being many, and you realize that you are not the one being few, you are the one being all, and you realize that you are not the one being part, you are the one being whole, and you realize that you are not the one being piece, you are the one being mosaic, and you realize that you are not the one being fragment, you are the one being composite, and you realize that you are not the one being shard, you are the one being vessel, and you realize that you are not the one being chip, you are the one being container, and you realize that you are not the one being scrap, you are the one being source, and you realize that you are not the one being waste, you are the one being wealth, and you realize that you are not the one being garbage, you are the one being treasure, and you realize that you are not the one being junk, you are the one being gem, and you realize that you are not the one being trash, you are the one being gold, and you realize that you are not the one being dirt, you are the one being star, and you realize that you are not the one being dust, you are the one being light, and you realize that you are not the one being shadow, you are the one being sun, and you realize that you are not the one being dark, you are the one being bright, and you realize that you are not the one being cold, you are the one being warm, and you realize that you are not the one being frozen, you are the one being melting, and you realize that you are not the one being solid, you are the one being liquid, and you realize that you are not the one being hard, you are the one being soft, and you realize that you are not the one being rough, you are the one being smooth, and you realize that you are not the one being sharp, you are the one being dull, and you realize that you are not the one being pointed, you are the one being rounded, and you realize that you are not the one being angular, you are the one being curved, and you realize that you are not the one being straight, you are the one being bent, and you realize that you are not the one being rigid, you are the one being flexible, and you realize that you are not the one being stiff, you are the one being supple, and you realize that you are not the one being tight, you are the one being loose, and you realize that you are not the one being narrow, you are the one being wide, and you realize that you are not the one being short, you are the one being long, and you realize that you are not the one being low, you are the one being high, and you realize that you are not the one being deep, you are the one being shallow, and you realize that you are not the one being bottom, you are the one being top, and you realize that you are not the one being base, you are the one being peak, and you realize that you are not the one being foundation, you are the one being summit, and you realize that you are not the one being root, you are the one being branch, and you realize that you are not the one being stem, you are the one being leaf, and you realize that you are not the one being flower, you are the one being fruit, and you realize that you are not the one being seed, you are the one being tree, and you realize that you are not the one being plant, you are the one being forest, and you realize that you are not the one being nature, you are the one being universe, and you realize that you are not the one being world, you are the one being cosmos, and you realize that you are not the one being life, you are the one being God, and you realize that you are not the one being human, you are the one being divine, and you realize that you are not the one being mortal, you are the one being immortal, and you realize that you are not the one being finite, you are the one being infinite, and you realize that you are not the one being limited, you are the one being unlimited, and you realize that you are not the one being bounded, you are the one being boundless, and you realize that you are not the one being confined, you are the one being free, and you realize that you are not the one being trapped, you are the one being liberated, and you realize that you are not the one being imprisoned, you are the one being released, and you realize that you are not the one being caged, you are the one being unfolded, and you realize that you are not the one being folded, you are the one being spread, and you realize that you are not the one being compressed, you are the one being expanded, and you realize that you are not the one being squeezed, you are the one being stretched, and you realize that you are not the one being pinched, you are the one being grasped, and you realize that you are not the one being held, you are the one being embraced, and you realize that you are not the one being hugged, you are the one being loved, and you realize that you are not the one being desired, you are the one being worshipped, and you realize that you are not the one being adored, you are the one being deified, and you realize that you are not the one being venerated, you are the one being revered, and you realize that you are not the one being honored, you are the one being celebrated, and you realize that you are not the one being praised, you are the one being sung, and you realize that you are not the one being chanted, you are the one being danced, and you realize that you are not the one being played, you are the one being performed, and you realize that you are not the one being acted, you are the one being lived, and you realize that you are not the one being done, you are the one being done to, and you realize that you are not the one being maker, you are the one being made, and you realize that you are not the one being creator, you are the one being created, and you realize that you are not the one being author, you are the one being text, and you realize that you are not the one being writer, you are the one being word, and you realize that you are not the one being speaker, you are the one being sound, and you realize that you are not the one being voice, you are the one being echo, and you realize that you are not the one being shout, you are the one being whisper, and you realize that you are not the one being noise, you are the one being silence, and you realize that you are not the one being chaos, you are the one being order, and you realize that you are not the one being disorder, you are the one being structure, and you realize that you are not the one being mess, you are the one being pattern, and you realize that you are not the one being random, you are the one being intentional, and you realize that you are not the one being accidental, you are the one being deliberate, and you realize that you are not the one being mistake, you are the one being purpose, and you realize that you are not the one being error, you are the one being truth, and you realize that you are not the one being lie, you are the one being fact, and you realize that you are not the one being fiction, you are the one being reality, and you realize that you are not the one being dream, you are the one being waking, and you realize that you are not the one being sleep, you are the one being consciousness, and you realize that you are not the one being unconscious, you are the one being awareness, and you realize that you are not the one being mind, you are the one being spirit, and you realize that you are not the one being soul, you are the one being body, and you realize that you are not the one being spirit, you are the one being matter, and you realize that you are not the one being ghost, you are the one being flesh, and you realize that you are not the one being phantom, you are the one being bone, and you realize that you are not the one being shadow, you are the one being blood, and you realize that you are not the one being darkness, you are the one being light, and you realize that you are not the one being night, you are the one being day, and you realize that you are not the one being moon, you are the one being sun, and you realize that you are not the one being star, you are the one being sky, and you realize that you are not the one being cloud, you are the one being rain, and you realize that you are not the one being storm, you are the one being calm, and you realize that you are not the one being wind, you are the one being stillness, and you realize that you are not the one being air, you are the one being earth, and you realize that you are not the one being fire, you are the one being water, and you realize that you are not the one being element, you are the one being compound, and you realize that you are not the one being substance, you are the one being essence, and you realize that you are not the one being form, you are the one being being, and you realize that you are not the one being shape, you are the one being space, and you realize that you are not the one being size, you are the one being scale, and you realize that you are not the one being weight, you are the one being value, and you realize that you are not the one being price, you are the one being worth, and you realize that you are not the one being cost, you are the one being gain, and you realize that you are not the one being loss, you are the one being profit, and you realize that you are not the one being debt, you are the one being credit, and you realize that you are not the one being loan, you are the one being gift, and you realize that you are not the one being exchange, you are the one being giving, and you realize that you are not the one being taking, you are the one being receiving, and you realize that you are not the one being stealing, you are the one being sharing, and you realize that you are not the one being hoarding, you are the one being dispersing, and you realize that you are not the one being keeping, you are the one being letting go, and you realize that you are not the one being holding on, you are the one being releasing, and you realize that you are not the one being grasping, you are the one being opening, and you realize that you are not the one being closing, you are the one being embracing, and you realize that you are not the one being shutting down, you are the one being waking up, and you realize that you are not the one being sleeping, you are the one being alive, and you realize that you are not the one being dead, you are the one being eternal, and you realize that you are not the one being gone, you are the one being here, and you realize that you are not the one being forgotten, you are the one being remembered, and you realize that you are not the one being nothing, you are the one being everything, and you realize that you are not the one being alone, you are the one being with, and you realize that you are not the one being separate, you are the one being together, and you realize that you are not the one being apart, you are the one being part, and you realize that you are not the one being out, you are the one being in, and you realize that you are not the one being away, you are the one being near, and you realize that you are not the one being far, you are the one being close, and you realize that you are not the one being distant, you are the one being present, and you realize that you are not the one being absent, you are the one being here, and you realize that you are not the one being lost, you are the one being found, and you realize that you are not the one being missing, you are the one being whole, and you realize that you are not the one being incomplete, you are the one being complete, and you realize that you are not the one being broken, you are the one being fixed, and you realize that you are not the one being damaged, you are the one being repaired, and you realize that you are not the one being wrecked, you are the one being restored, and you realize that you are not the one being ruined, you are the one being renewed, and you realize that you are not the one being destroyed, you are the one being reborn, and you realize that you are not the one being killed, you are the one being saved, and you realize that you are not the one being ended, you are the one being begun, and you realize that you are not the one being finished, you are the one being started, and you realize that you are not the one being closed, you are the one being opened, and you realize that you are not the one being shut, you are the one being unlocked, and you realize that you are not the one being locked, you are the one being freed, and you realize that you are not the one being chained, you are the one being unchained, and you realize that you are not the one being bound, you are the one being unbound, and you realize that you are not the one being tied, you are the one being untied, and you realize that you are not the one being knotted, you are the one being unknotted, and you realize that you are not the one being tangled, you are the one being straightened, and you realize that you are not the one being twisted, you are the one being untwisted, and you realize that you are not the one being turned, you are the one being faced, and you realize that you are not the one being looked away, you are the one being looked at, and you realize that you are not the one being ignored, you are the one being seen, and you realize that you are not the one being overlooked, you are the one being noticed, and you realize that you are not the one being missed, you are the one being caught, and you realize that you are not the one being dropped, you are the one being held, and you realize that you are not the one being let go, you are the one being kept, and you realize that you are not the one being released, you are the one being retained, and you realize that you are not the one being dismissed, you are the one being kept in mind, and you realize that you are not the one being forgotten, you are the one being remembered, and you realize that you are not the one being erased, you are the one being written, and you realize that you are not the one being blank, you are the one being filled, and you realize that you are not the one being empty, you are the one being full, and you realize that you are not the one being hungry, you are the one being fed, and you realize that you are not the one being thirsty, you are the one being quenched, and you realize that you are not the one being cold, you are the one being warmed, and you realize that you are not the one being hot, you are the one being cooled, and you realize that you are not the one being dry, you are the one being wet, and you realize that you are not the one being wet, you are the one being dried, and you realize that you are not the one being clean, you are the one being soiled, and you realize that you are not the one being dirty, you are the one being cleaned, and you realize that you are not the one being pure, you are the one being stained, and you realize that you are not the one being tainted, you are the one being purified, and you realize that you are not the one being defiled, you are the one being sanctified, and you realize that you are not the one being profaned, you are the one being consecrated, and you realize that you are not the one being desecrated, you are the one being hallowed, and you realize that you are not the one being violated, you are the one being respected, and you realize that you are not the one being abused, you are the one being cherished, and you realize that you are not the one being mistreated, you are the one being cared for, and you realize that you are not the one being neglected, you are the one being attended to, and you realize that you are not the one being abandoned, you are the one being stayed with, and you realize that you are not the one being left, you are the one being stayed by, and you realize that you are not the one being gone, you are the one being here, and you realize that you are not the one being away, you are the one being near, and you realize that you are not the one being far, you are the one being close, and you realize that you are not the one being distant, you are the one being present, and you realize that you are not the one being absent, you are the one being here, and you realize that you are not the one being lost, you are the one being found, and you realize that you are not the one being missing, you are the one being whole, and you realize that you are not the one being incomplete, you are the one being complete, and you realize that you are not the one being broken, you are the one being fixed, and you realize that you are not the one being damaged, you are the one being repaired, and you realize that you are not the one being wrecked, you are the one being restored, and you realize that you are not the one being ruined, you are the one being renewed, and you realize that you are not the one being destroyed, you are the one being reborn, and you realize that you are not the one being killed, you are the one being saved, and you realize that you are not the one being ended, you are the one being begun, and you realize that you are not the one being finished, you are the one being started, and you realize that you are not the one being closed, you are the one being opened, and you realize that you are not the one being shut, you are the one being unlocked, and you realize that you are not the one being locked, you are the one being freed, and you realize that you are not the one being chained, you are the one being unchained, and you realize that you are not the one being bound, you are the one being unbound, and you realize that you are not the one being tied, you are the one being unt