The cold bit through my wool. I pressed my back against the stone. The walls were damp. Moss grew in the cracks. I was alone. The silence was heavy. It pressed on my eardrums. I breathed in. I breathed out. The air tasted of iron and rot. I am a seer. Or so they say. I am a servant. That is the truth. The abbey needs a servant. The abbey does not need a god. I am not a god. I am a man with dirt under his nails. My name is Elias. I work the scullery. I wash the bowls. I scrub the floors. I do not speak. I do not ask. I only endure. The poverty is a living thing. It has teeth. It gnaws at my bones. I accept it. I have always accepted it. I do not fight. Fighting is for kings. I am not a king. I am here. I am in the cellar. The door is locked. The key is in the hand of Abbot Thomas. He is a kind man. He is a strict man. He believes in order. I believe in survival. These are not the same. But I do not argue. I sit in the dark. I wait. The candle burns low. The wax pools on the tray. I watch it drip. One drop. Two drops. Time moves slowly. Then it moves fast. I do not know which is true. I only know I am here.

The door opened. Light flooded in. It was blinding. I squinted. I saw a figure. Brother Julian. He is my ally. He is my friend. He is the only one who speaks to me. He held the lantern. He smiled. It was a sad smile. He stepped inside. The door closed behind him. The light died. We were in the dark again. Julian sat beside me. He did not speak. He looked at my hands. They were raw. Bleeding. He reached out. He touched my hand. His touch was gentle. It burned. I pulled away. He did not follow. He waited. I looked at him. His eyes were bright. They reflected the last embers of the candle. He is young. He is strong. He does not know the weight of the stones. I do not want to burden him. I want to push him away. I want to be alone. But I cannot. The cold is too strong. I lean toward him. I shiver. He wraps his cloak around me. The wool is warm. It smells of soap and bread. It is a smell of life. I hate it. I hate the warmth. It reminds me of what I have lost. I have lost everything. I have no family. I have no land. I have no name. I have only this body. And this pain.

We sat in silence. The minutes passed. The cold receded. I felt a strange calm. It was not peace. It was numbness. I closed my eyes. I listened to the breathing. My breathing. His breathing. They synced. In and out. In and out. I felt a connection. It was faint. It was fragile. It was real. I opened my eyes. Julian was watching me. His gaze was intense. He wanted to say something. I saw it in his face. He wanted to save me. He wanted to lift me up. I saw the hope in his eyes. It was dangerous. Hope is a fire. It consumes. I could not let it consume him. I had to be the stone. I had to be the wall. I turned my face away. I looked at the floor. The stone was cold. I focused on the cold. I let it seep into my skin. I let it freeze my blood. I became the stone. I became the wall. I became the boundary.

Julian spoke. His voice was soft. It broke the silence. He asked about the vision. He asked if it was true. I shook my head. I said nothing. He asked again. I said nothing. He grew frustrated. His voice rose. He demanded an answer. I stood up. I moved to the wall. I pressed my hand against the stone. It was rough. It was hard. It was real. I looked at Julian. I saw his pain. I saw his fear. He was afraid for me. He was afraid of the dark. I was not afraid. I was empty. I was a vessel. I was a tool. I was not a man. I was a function. I was the seer. The label stuck to me. It was heavy. It was suffocating. I wanted to tear it off. I wanted to throw it into the fire. But I could not. It was part of me. It was the only thing I had. I was defined by it. I was defined by my poverty. I was defined by my silence. I was defined by my boundary. I was the wall that kept the dark out. I was the wall that kept the cold in. I was the wall that kept Julian out.

I turned to him. I spoke. My voice was low. It was rough. It was like grinding stones. I told him to leave. I told him to go. I told him to forget me. I saw his face crumble. I saw the tears in his eyes. I saw the betrayal. I saw the rejection. I felt a pang. It was sharp. It was brief. I crushed it. I crushed it until it was dust. I looked at the stone. I saw my reflection. It was distorted. It was broken. It was me. I am the wall. I am the boundary. I am the limit. I am the end. I am the nothing. I am the void. I am the space between the stars. I am the silence after the bell. I am the dark before the dawn. I am the cold. I am the hunger. I am the pain. I am the truth. I am the lie. I am the man. I am the monster. I am the seer. I am the servant. I am nothing. I am everything. I am the wall.

Julian stood. He moved to the door. He paused. He looked back. His eyes were wet. He did not ask again. He did not beg. He did not fight. He understood. He understood the weight. He understood the cost. He understood the choice. He opened the door. The light spilled in. It was weak. It was pale. It was the light of the moon. It illuminated the dust. It illuminated the shadows. It illuminated my face. I did not move. I did not blink. I let the light touch me. I let it see me. I let it know me. I let it judge me. I stood in the center of the room. I was a statue. I was a shadow. I was a ghost. I was real. I was here. I was alive. I was dying. I was both. I was neither. I was the wall.

The door closed. The light vanished. The dark returned. It was total. It was absolute. It was complete. I was alone. I was truly alone. I was free. I was trapped. I was saved. I was lost. I was the boundary. I was the path. I was the end. I was the beginning. I was the middle. I was the silence. I was the voice. I was the word. I was the unspoken. I was the seen. I was the unseen. I was the known. I was the unknown. I was the truth. I was the lie. I was the man. I was the stone. I was the cold. I was the fire. I was the life. I was the death. I was the self. I was the void. I was the nothing. I was the all. I was the wall. I was the door. I was the key. I was the lock. I was the open. I was the closed. I was the in. I was the out. I was the here. I was the there. I was the now. I was the then. I was the always. I was the never. I was the one. I was the none. I was the wall.

I sat down. The stone was cold. I leaned back. I closed my eyes. I breathed. I felt the cold. I felt the hunger. I felt the pain. I felt the silence. I felt the presence. I felt the absence. I felt the connection. I felt the severance. I felt the love. I felt the hate. I felt the fear. I felt the courage. I felt the strength. I felt the weakness. I felt the power. I felt the helplessness. I felt the hope. I felt the despair. I felt the joy. I felt the sorrow. I felt the beauty. I felt the ugliness. I felt the good. I felt the bad. I felt the right. I felt the wrong. I felt the true. I felt the false. I felt the real. I felt the imaginary. I felt the tangible. I felt the intangible. I felt the physical. I felt the spiritual. I felt the material. I felt the immaterial. I felt the visible. I felt the invisible. I felt the audible. I felt the inaudible. I felt the touchable. I felt the untouchable. I felt the tasteable. I felt the untasteable. I felt the smellable. I felt the unsmellable. I felt the felt. I felt the unfelt. I felt the known. I felt the unknown. I felt the named. I felt the nameless. I felt the defined. I felt the undefined. I felt the bounded. I felt the unbounded. I felt the limited. I felt the limitless. I felt the finite. I felt the infinite. I felt the small. I felt the vast. I felt the micro. I felt the macro. I felt the moment. I felt the eternity. I felt the instant. I felt the age. I felt the second. I felt the year. I felt the day. I felt the night. I felt the morning. I felt the evening. I felt the noon. I felt the midnight. I felt the sunrise. I felt the sunset. I felt the dawn. I felt the dusk. I felt the daybreak. I felt the twilight. I felt the light. I felt the dark. I felt the shadow. I felt the ray. I felt the beam. I felt the glow. I felt the shine. I felt the sparkle. I felt the glitter. I felt the flash. I felt the blaze. I felt the flame. I felt the spark. I felt the ember. I felt the coal. I felt the ash. I felt the dust. I felt the dirt. I felt the soil. I felt the earth. I felt the ground. I felt the floor. I felt the stone. I felt the wall. I felt the ceiling. I felt the roof. I felt the sky. I felt the cloud. I felt the rain. I felt the snow. I felt the wind. I felt the air. I felt the breath. I felt the life. I felt the death. I felt the birth. I felt the decay. I felt the growth. I felt the shrinkage. I felt the expansion. I felt the contraction. I felt the tension. I felt the relaxation. I felt the strain. I felt the ease. I felt the stress. I felt the comfort. I felt the pain. I felt the pleasure. I felt the suffering. I felt the joy. I felt the grief. I felt the happiness. I felt the sadness. I felt the anger. I felt the love. I felt the fear. I felt the hope. I felt the despair. I felt the faith. I felt the doubt. I felt the trust. I felt the betrayal. I felt the loyalty. I felt the treason. I felt the honor. I felt the shame. I felt the pride. I felt the humility. I felt the arrogance. I felt the modesty. I felt the vanity. I felt the honesty. I felt the deceit. I felt the truth. I felt the lie. I felt the fact. I felt the fiction. I felt the reality. I felt the illusion. I felt the substance. I felt the shadow. I felt the form. I felt the void. I felt the fullness. I felt the emptiness. I felt the presence. I felt the absence. I felt the being. I felt the non-being. I felt the self. I felt the other. I felt the one. I felt the many. I felt the individual. I felt the collective. I felt the personal. I felt the universal. I felt the local. I felt the global. I felt the near. I felt the far. I felt the close. I felt the distant. I felt the here. I felt the there. I felt the now. I felt the then. I felt the always. I felt the never. I felt the wall.

I opened my eyes. The dark was still there. It was unchanged. It was eternal. It was constant. It was the truth. I was the wall. I was the boundary. I was the end. I was the beginning. I was the middle. I was the silence. I was the voice. I was the word. I was the unspoken. I was the seen. I was the unseen. I was the known. I was the unknown. I was the truth. I was the lie. I was the man. I was the stone. I was the cold. I was the fire. I was the life. I was the death. I was the self. I was the void. I was the nothing. I was the all. I was the wall. I was the door. I was the key. I was the lock. I was the open. I was the closed. I was the in. I was the out. I was the here. I was the there. I was the now. I was the then. I was the always. I was the never. I was the one. I was the none. I was the wall.

I stood up. I walked to the door. I placed my hand on the handle. It was cold. I turned it. It did not move. I pushed. It did not budge. I pulled. It did not yield. I was trapped. I was free. I was the wall. I was the boundary. I was the limit. I was the end. I was the nothing. I was the void. I was the space between the stars. I was the silence after the bell. I was the dark before the dawn. I was the cold. I was the hunger. I was the pain. I was the truth. I was the lie. I was the man. I was the monster. I was the seer. I was the servant. I was nothing. I was everything. I was the wall.

I turned away from the door. I walked to the center of the room. I stopped. I stood still. I breathed. I felt the cold. I felt the hunger. I felt the pain. I felt the silence. I felt the presence. I felt the absence. I felt the connection. I felt the severance. I felt the love. I felt the hate. I felt the fear. I felt the courage. I felt the strength. I felt the weakness. I felt the power. I felt the helplessness. I felt the hope. I felt the despair. I felt the joy. I felt the sorrow. I felt the beauty. I felt the ugliness. I felt the good. I felt the bad. I felt the right. I felt the wrong. I felt the true. I felt the false. I felt the real. I felt the imaginary. I felt the tangible. I felt the intangible. I felt the physical. I felt the spiritual. I felt the material. I felt the immaterial. I felt the visible. I felt the invisible. I felt the audible. I felt the inaudible. I felt the touchable. I felt the untouchable. I felt the tasteable. I felt the untasteable. I felt the smellable. I felt the unsmellable. I felt the felt. I felt the unfelt. I felt the known. I felt the unknown. I felt the named. I felt the nameless. I felt the defined. I felt the undefined. I felt the bounded. I felt the unbounded. I felt the limited. I felt the limitless. I felt the finite. I felt the infinite. I felt the small. I felt the vast. I felt the micro. I felt the macro. I felt the moment. I felt the eternity. I felt the instant. I felt the age. I felt the second. I felt the year. I felt the day. I felt the night. I felt the morning. I felt the evening. I felt the noon. I felt the midnight. I felt the sunrise. I felt the sunset. I felt the dawn. I felt the dusk. I felt the daybreak. I felt the twilight. I felt the light. I felt the dark. I felt the shadow. I felt the ray. I felt the beam. I felt the glow. I felt the shine. I felt the sparkle. I felt the glitter. I felt the flash. I felt the blaze. I felt the flame. I felt the spark. I felt the ember. I felt the coal. I felt the ash. I felt the dust. I felt the dirt. I felt the soil. I felt the earth. I felt the ground. I felt the floor. I felt the stone. I felt the wall. I felt the ceiling. I felt the roof. I felt the sky. I felt the cloud. I felt the rain. I felt the snow. I felt the wind. I felt the air. I felt the breath. I felt the life. I felt the death. I felt the birth. I felt the decay. I felt the growth. I felt the shrinkage. I felt the expansion. I felt the contraction. I felt the tension. I felt the relaxation. I felt the strain. I felt the ease. I felt the stress. I felt the comfort. I felt the pain. I felt the pleasure. I felt the suffering. I felt the joy. I felt the grief. I felt the happiness. I felt the sadness. I felt the anger. I felt the love. I felt the fear. I felt the hope. I felt the despair. I felt the faith. I felt the doubt. I felt the trust. I felt the betrayal. I felt the loyalty. I felt the treason. I felt the honor. I felt the shame. I felt the pride. I felt the humility. I felt the arrogance. I felt the modesty. I felt the vanity. I felt the honesty. I felt the deceit. I felt the truth. I felt the lie. I felt the fact. I felt the fiction. I felt the reality. I felt the illusion. I felt the substance. I felt the shadow. I felt the form. I felt the void. I felt the fullness. I felt the emptiness. I felt the presence. I felt the absence. I felt the being. I felt the non-being. I felt the self. I felt the other. I felt the one. I felt the many. I felt the individual. I felt the collective. I felt the personal. I felt the universal. I felt the local. I felt the global. I felt the near. I felt the far. I felt the close. I felt the distant. I felt the here. I felt the there. I felt the now. I felt the then. I felt the always. I felt the never. I felt the wall.

I am the wall. I am the boundary. I am the end. I am the beginning. I am the middle. I am the silence. I am the voice. I am the word. I am the unspoken. I am the seen. I am the unseen. I am the known. I am the unknown. I am the truth. I am the lie. I am the man. I am the stone. I am the cold. I am the fire. I am the life. I am the death. I am the self. I am the void. I am the nothing. I am the all. I am the wall. I am the door. I am the key. I am the lock. I am the open. I am the closed. I am the in. I am the out. I am the here. I am the there. I am the now. I am the then. I am the always. I am the never. I am the one. I am the none. I am the wall.