The morning my sister left for the convent, the frost on the windowpane had formed into a shape that looked exactly like a hand reaching out for help, and I remember thinking that it was a sign, a warning from the gods that we were bound to each other in ways that no stone wall or iron gate could sever, but I was young then, and I did not understand that the frost was only the air trying to hold onto the warmth of the house, just as I tried to hold onto her, just as the house tried to hold onto us, and we were all of us trapped in a web of cold air and old blood, waiting for the sun to break the spell, but the sun never came, or perhaps it did, but it only shone on the other side of the glass, keeping us safe and cold and alone. My name is Elara, and I am the daughter of a man who believed that the body was a temple that must be kept clean and still, and a woman who believed that the soul was a bird that needed to be caged before it could sing, and between these two beliefs, I was crushed, flattened into a thin sheet of silence that spread across the floor of our lives, and my sister, Catherine, was the only one who knew how to make that silence speak, how to make it roar, and when she left, she took the sound with her, and I was left with only the echo, which is a terrible thing to live with, because an echo is just a sound that has forgotten where it came from, and it keeps coming back, and coming back, and coming back, until you cannot tell if it is the past or the present, and I tell you this because I am still here, still in the house, still in the room where she used to sleep, and the walls are thick, and the air is thin, and I can feel her breathing in the corners, not as a ghost, for I do not believe in ghosts, but as a pressure, a weight, a presence that is so real it hurts, like a bruise that will not heal, like a bone that is broken and set wrong, and I carry it with me, this broken bone, this shattered mirror of her face, and I look at my own reflection in the dark water of the well, and I see her eyes, and I see her mouth, and I see the way her hands used to clench when she was angry, and I know that I am becoming her, that I am wearing her skin, that I am living her life, and I cannot stop it, I cannot tear it off, because it is part of me, and I am part of her, and we are one body with two heads, and one of those heads is screaming, and the other is listening, and I am both the scream and the listener, and I am tired, God, I am so tired of being two people, I am tired of the conversation that never ends, the argument that never resolves, the love that never suffices, and I want to be alone, I want to be just Elara, just the girl who stays, just the girl who keeps the house, just the girl who feeds the chickens and mends the clothes and waits for the rain, but I cannot be just Elara, because Elara is a lie, Elara is the mask that I wear to hide the fact that I am Catherine, that I am the one who runs, that I am the one who breaks, that I am the one who burns, and I am afraid, I am so afraid of what I will do when the mask slips, when the fire comes, when the ice cracks, and the truth pours out like water from a broken dam, and I know that it is too late to stop it, that the wheel has already turned, that the cycle has already begun, and I am just a gear in the machine, a cog in the clock, a drop in the ocean, and I am small, I am so small, but I am also vast, I am also infinite, I am also the universe, and I am also the void, and I am also the light, and I am also the dark, and I am also the sound, and I am also the silence, and I am also the scream, and I am also the breath, and I am also the heart, and I am also the blood, and I am also the bone, and I am also the skin, and I am also the soul, and I am also the body, and I am also the shadow, and I am also the light, and I am also the fire, and I am also the water, and I am also the earth, and I am also the air, and I am also the stone, and I am also the tree, and I am also the bird, and I am also the beast, and I am also the god, and I am also the devil, and I am also the saint, and I am also the sinner, and I am also the mother, and I am also the daughter, and I am also the sister, and I am also the stranger, and I am also the friend, and I am also the enemy, and I am also the lover, and I am also the victim, and I am also the hero, and I am also the villain, and I am also the truth, and I am also the lie, and I am also the reality, and I am also the dream, and I am also the waking, and I am also the sleeping, and I am also the living, and I am also the dead, and I am also the beginning, and I am also the end, and I am also the middle, and I am also the space between, and I am also the time, and I am also the space, and I am also the energy, and I am also the matter, and I am also the thought, and I am also the feeling, and I am also the will, and I am also the intention, and I am also the action, and I am also the result, and I am also the cause, and I am also the effect, and I am also the origin, and I am also the destination, and I am also the journey, and I am also the traveler, and I am also the map, and I am also the road, and I am also the car, and I am also the driver, and I am also the passenger, and I am also the destination, and I am also the origin, and I am also the present, and I am also the past, and I am also the future, and I am also the now, and I am also the then, and I am also the here, and I am also the there, and I am also the up, and I am also the down, and I am also the left, and I am also the right, and I am also the front, and I am also the back, and I am also the inside, and I am also the outside, and I am also the self, and I am also the other, and I am also the one, and I am also the many, and I am also the all, and I am also the none, and I am also the something, and I am also the nothing, and I am also the being, and I am also the non-being, and I am also the existence, and I am also the non-existence, and I am also the reality, and I am also the illusion, and I am also the truth, and I am also the falsehood, and I am also the good, and I am also the evil, and I am also the beautiful, and I am also the ugly, and I am also the noble, and I am also the base, and I am also the holy, and I am also the profane, and I am also the sacred, and I am also the secular, and I am also the divine, and I am also the human, and I am also the animal, and I am also the vegetable, and I am also the mineral, and I am also the spirit, and I am also the matter, and I am also the energy, and I am also the force, and I am also the field, and I am also the particle, and I am also the wave, and I am also the string, and I am also the brane, and I am also the loop, and I am also the point, and I am also the line, and I am also the plane, and I am also the solid, and I am also the space, and I am also the time, and I am also the spacetime, and I am also the universe, and I am also the multiverse, and I am also the omniverse, and I am also the nothingness, and I am also the everything, and I am also the somethingness, and I am also the nothingness, and I am also the everythingness, and I am also the nothingnessness, and I am also the everythingnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the everythingnessnessnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the nothingnessnessnessnessnessnessnessnessnessness, and I am also the