The Distant Summer
The road is wet. Your boots are heavy. The mud sucks at your heels with a wet, mechanical pull. You walk. The town of Oakhaven lies ahead. It is small. It is quiet. The rain has stopped. The air is cold. It smells of iron and wet stone. You are a soldier. You are also a son. These two things fight in your chest. They pull in different directions. One demands order. The other demands home.
You carry a bag. It is canvas. It is torn. Inside, there is no money. There is only a letter. The letter is from your mother. It is short. It says: *Come home. We have nothing. The bank has taken the house. We are sleeping in the cellar. Come. I am sick.*
You read it again. The words blur. Your eyes burn. You do not cry. Soldiers do not cry in the rain. You walk faster. The mud deepens. Your legs ache. You are tired. You are so tired.
The town center is empty. The shops are closed. The lights are off. There is a sign on the door of the general store. It reads: *FORECLOSURE.* You know this word. You know what it means. It means end. It means loss. It means you failed. You should have made more money. You should have sent more. You are ashamed. The shame is a stone in your gut. It is heavy. It does not move.
You see a man. He is near the corner. He wears a coat. It is brown. It is worn. He stands still. He looks at you. You stop. You know him. Your heart jumps. It is David. He was with you in the unit. He is your friend. He is your ally.
"David," you say. Your voice is rough. It is quiet.
He turns. His face is pale. He looks older. He looks thin. "You," he says. "I thought you were dead."
"No," you say. "I am here."
He walks toward you. He does not smile. He looks at your bag. He looks at your face. He sees the tension. He sees the pain. He knows. They always know.
"Your mother," he says. It is not a question.
"You know?"
"I know," he says. "I saw the notice."
You look at the ground. The mud is dark. "I am going to her house."
David nods. "It is not a house anymore," he says. "It is a shell. They broke the windows. They took the furniture. It is empty."
You feel a cold shock. It runs down your spine. "Empty," you repeat.
"Yes," David says. "The bank men came. They were polite. They were efficient. They took everything. The piano. The chairs. The beds. They left nothing. Your mother is with Mrs. Gable. She is in the back room. She is weak. She is burning."
You stop walking. Your feet are frozen. "Burning," you say.
"Fever," David says. "It has been three days. She will not eat. She will not speak. She just looks out the window."
You look at David. You want to hit him. You want to shake him. You want to ask why. Why did you not tell me? Why did you let this happen? But you do not ask. You know the answer. There is no answer. There is only silence.
"Take me there," you say.
David points to the left. "Down Elm Street. Two blocks."
You start to walk. David walks beside you. He matches your step. He does not talk. He lets you think. He lets you feel the weight.
The street is narrow. The houses are old. The wood is gray. The grass is dead. You pass a church. The door is locked. The bell is silent. You pass a park. The swings are broken. The sand is wet. You pass a school. The windows are dark. Everything is dark. Everything is still.
You are a soldier. You are trained to move. You are trained to observe. You are trained to act. But you are not acting. You are walking. You are carrying a bag. You are carrying a name. You are carrying a debt.
You reach the end of the street. There is a house. It is white. It is peeling. The porch is sagging. The steps are broken. This is your home. It is not your home. It is a ruin.
You stand in the yard. The grass is high. The weeds are thick. You look at the windows. They are black. They are empty. You look at the door. It is open. A draft comes out. It is cold. It smells of dust. It smells of nothing.
You step onto the porch. The wood creaks. It is weak. It is dying. You walk inside. The floor is bare. The planks are cold. You walk to the center of the room. You stand still. You listen. There is no sound. There is no music. There is no voice. There is only the wind. It whistles through the broken panes. It is a low sound. It is a sad sound.
You sit on the floor. You put your bag down. You take out the letter. You hold it in your hands. The paper is soft. It is warm from your touch. You read it again. *Come home. I am sick.*
You close your eyes. You see her face. She is old. Her hands are rough. Her hair is gray. She is tired. She has always been tired. She worked the land. She raised you. She sent you to school. She sent you to the war. She gave you everything. And you gave her nothing. You gave her distance. You gave her silence. You gave her poverty.
You are a coward. You know this. You are a failure. You know this. The knowledge is a curse. It eats you. It burns. It is inside you. It is part of you. You cannot get it out.
David is behind you. You do not turn. You do not speak. You know he is there. You know he is waiting. You know he is judging. You do not care. You are not a man. You are a body. You are a thing. You are broken.
"I will go to Mrs. Gable's," David says. His voice is soft. It is gentle.
You nod. You do not stand up. You cannot stand up. Your legs are weak. Your mind is empty. You are hollow.
"I will wait here," David says. "I will watch the house. No one will come. I will keep it safe."
You look at him. He is good. He is kind. He is a friend. He is a brother. But he is not you. He cannot carry your weight. He cannot take your pain. He cannot save you.
"I will come," you say.
David nods. He turns. He walks to the door. He steps into the yard. He does not look back. He walks away. His footsteps are quiet. They fade. The door closes. The latch clicks.
You are alone.
The room is dark. The light is gone. The rain has started again. It taps on the roof. It is a rhythmic sound. It is a heartbeat. It is fast. It is urgent.
You stand up. Your knees pop. Your back aches. You walk to the window. The glass is gone. The wind hits your face. It is cold. It is sharp. It cuts your skin. You do not move. You let it cut you. You need the pain. The pain is real. The pain is yours.
You look out. The town is gray. The street is wet. The lights are off. The world is dead. The world is still. You are alive. You are here. You are a soldier. You are a son. You are a man.
You take a step. You walk to the door. You open it. You step outside. The mud is deep. It covers your boots. It covers your legs. You walk. You do not run. You do not stop. You walk toward the house of Mrs. Gable. You walk toward your mother. You walk toward the end.
The road is long. The rain is heavy. The air is cold. Your heart beats. It is slow. It is strong. It is yours.
You are not a hero. You are not a saint. You are not a god. You are a man. You are broken. You are defeated. You accept it. You let it go. You let the shame go. You let the anger go. You let the fear go. You let it all go.
You walk. The mud pulls. You pull back. You walk. The rain falls. You stand in it. You walk. The town sleeps. You wake up. You walk. The night is long. The night is dark. The night is yours.
You reach the house of Mrs. Gable. It is small. It is red. The door is open. The light is on. It is yellow. It is warm. You see a figure in the doorway. It is old. It is thin. It is white.
It is your mother.
She sees you. Her eyes are closed. Her face is pale. Her lips are dry. She does not move. She does not speak. She just looks at you. Her eyes are open. They are blue. They are bright. They are full.
You walk to her. You stop in front of her. You do not hug her. You do not touch her. You just stand. You look at her. She looks at you.
"Mother," you say.
She does not answer. Her chest rises. Her chest falls. It is slow. It is hard.
"I am here," you say.
She nods. It is a small movement. It is weak. It is real.
You step into the house. The room is small. There is a bed. There is a chair. There is a table. The air is warm. It smells of soup. It smells of medicine. It smells of life.
You sit on the chair. You put your hands in your lap. You look at your mother. She looks at you. The silence is thick. The silence is heavy. The silence is full.
You are not a soldier. You are not a son. You are not a man. You are nothing. You are everything. You are here. You are now.
The rain stops. The light comes. The sun rises. It is gray. It is pale. It is new.
You stay. You do not leave. You stay. You sit. You wait. You breathe. You live.
The curse is gone. The knowledge is gone. The pain is gone. You are free. You are lost. You are found. You are home.
The house is empty. The house is full. The house is dead. The house is alive.
You close your eyes. You open them. You are here. You are still here.
The end is not a wall. The end is a door. You open it. You step through. You walk into the light. You walk into the rain. You walk into the mud. You walk into the world.
You are alone. You are together. You are one.
The story is done. The story is just beginning.
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