You are sitting in the kitchen of a house that smells of wet wool and old dust, the rain hammering against the windowpane with a rhythm that feels less like weather and more like a slow, persistent accusation, and you are trying to remember the exact shade of the blue in your father’s eyes before the light took them, before the system took everything else, before you realized that the only thing you had ever truly known was the way he used to hum when he thought no one was listening, a tune without a name, a melody that existed only in the space between his lips and the air, and now you are here, in this small town that claims to know you but has never actually seen you, wearing a uniform that is no longer yours but still fits the shape of your body, the fabric stiff with the memory of violence, and you are waiting for the phone to ring, for the call that will tell you that you have been discharged, that you are free, that you can finally put down the weight of the knowledge that you carried for so long, the knowledge that the men who sent you were not the heroes they claimed to be, that they were liars, that they were cowards hiding behind the flags they waved, and you are trying to understand how it is possible that a man can be so good at his job, so precise, so efficient, that he becomes invisible, that he becomes a ghost in the machine, a cog that turns without thought or feeling, and yet when he stops, when he finally stops, the machine breaks, and the pieces fall, and they fall on him, and they fall on everyone who loved him, and you are thinking about your mother, who is dead now, who died in that hospital room with the beige walls and the beeping machines, who held your hand until the end, who told you that she was proud of you, who did not know that you were broken, who did not know that you had seen things that no human being should see, and you are thinking about your daughter, who is seven years old, who draws pictures of horses and flowers, who does not know that her father is a monster, who does not know that her father is a hero, who does not know that her father is nothing, who loves him with a love that is so pure, so primal, so instinctual, that it feels like it could burn the world down if it were not so gentle, so soft, so quiet, and you are thinking about the letter that is on the table, the letter from the bureau, the letter that says you have been reassigned, the letter that says you have been punished, the letter that says you have been erased, and you are thinking about the man who signed it, the man who you served, the man who you trusted, the man who you respected, the man who you followed into the dark, the man who you followed into the fire, the man who you followed into the grave, and you are thinking about how he looked at you, how he smiled at you, how he patted your shoulder, how he told you that you were one of the good ones, how he told you that you were one of the true ones, and you are thinking about how it felt, how it felt to be good, how it felt to be true, how it felt to be loved, and you are thinking about how it feels now, how it feels to be alone, how it feels to be hated, how it feels to be forgotten, and you are thinking about the rain, the rain that is falling outside, the rain that is washing the world clean, the rain that is washing you clean, and you are thinking about the fact that you are still here, that you are still breathing, that you are still alive, and you are thinking about the fact that you are afraid, that you are so afraid, that you are terrified, and you are thinking about the fact that you do not know what to do, that you do not know where to go, that you do not know who you are, and you are thinking about the fact that you do not want to be you, that you do not want to be this man, that you do not want to be this thing, and you are thinking about the fact that you cannot escape, that you cannot run, that you cannot hide, and you are thinking about the fact that you have to face it, that you have to face them, that you have to face yourself, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to do it, that you are going to go out there, that you are going to stand up, that you are going to speak, that you are going to tell the truth, that you are going to tell them everything, and you are thinking about the fact that it will not matter, that it will not change anything, that it will not save anyone, and you are thinking about the fact that you have to do it anyway, that you have to do it because you are a man, that you have to do it because you are a father, that you have to do it because you are a human being, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to die, that you are going to die for this, that you are going to die for them, and you are thinking about the fact that you are not afraid, that you are not afraid anymore, that you are finally free, and you are thinking about the fact that the rain is stopping, that the sun is coming out, that the sky is turning blue, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to walk out that door, that you are going to walk into the light, that you are going to walk into the future, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to hold your daughter, that you are going to kiss her forehead, that you are going to tell her that you love her, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to let go, that you are going to let go of the past, that you are going to let go of the pain, that you are going to let go of the fear, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to find peace, that you are going to find rest, that you are going to find home, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to be okay, that you are going to be fine, that you are going to survive, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to remember, that you are going to remember your father, that you are going to remember your mother, that you are going to remember yourself, and you are thinking about the fact that you are going to live, that you are going to live, that you are going to live, and you are standing up, and you are walking to the door, and you are opening the door, and you are stepping out into the rain, and you are walking, and you are walking, and you are walking.

The town is waking up, the cars are starting, the voices are rising, and you are walking down the main street, and you are walking past the shop windows, and you are walking past the coffee shops, and you are walking past the churches, and you are walking past the schools, and you are walking past the places where you have been, and you are walking past the places where you will never be again, and you are walking past the people who are looking at you, and you are walking past the people who are turning away, and you are walking past the people who are whispering, and you are walking past the people who are laughing, and you are walking past the people who are crying, and you are walking past the people who are afraid, and you are walking past the people who are angry, and you are walking past the people who are sad, and you are walking past the people who are happy, and you are walking past the people who are indifferent, and you are walking past the people who are curious, and you are walking past the people who are curious about you, and you are walking past the people who are curious about why you are walking, and you are walking past the people who are curious about where you are going, and you are walking past the people who are curious about who you are, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you have done, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you will do, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you will become, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you mean, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you want, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you need, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are afraid of, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you love, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you hate, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you believe, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you know, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you don't know, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to do, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to say, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to feel, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to think, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the people who are curious about what you are going to be, and you are walking past the