The Wistful Incense
He woke with the taste of ash in his mouth. It was a dry, gray powder. He spat it out. It landed on the white sheets. He wiped it away. It smeared.
The room was small. It was a cell, really. Or a closet. The walls were painted a sickly yellow. The air was still. It smelled of old dust and lavender water.
He sat up. His head throbbed. He looked at his hands. They were clean. They were his hands.
A knock came at the door. Three sharp raps.
"Come in," he said. His voice was thin.
The door opened. No one was there.
He stood up. His knees shook. He walked to the door. He opened it. The hallway was dark. It stretched out into nothing.
He turned back to the room. On the table, there was a ledger. It was thick. It was bound in red leather.
He picked it up. The pages were stiff. He opened it.
The first page was blank. The second page had a name. It was his name.
He turned the page. There was a list of names. Hundreds of them. He recognized a few.
Catherine Pemberton.
Edward Ashworth.
Thomas Bradshaw.
He knew them. He had known them. He had met them in the office. Or the court. He could not remember where.
A voice came from the hallway.
"Are you awake, sir?"
He closed the book. He hid it under the bed. He went to the window. The glass was dirty. He could not see outside.
"Who is there?" he asked.
"I am only checking, sir," the voice said. "You look unwell."
"I am fine," he said.
"You are not alone in here, sir."
He stepped back. The room felt smaller.
"Who else is here?"
"Everyone," the voice said. "They are all watching."
The door opened. A man walked in. He was tall. He wore a gray suit. He had a kind face. He smiled.
"Good morning," the man said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"You know who I am," the man said. "I am the clerk."
He looked at the clerk. He did not recognize him. But he felt a pull. A deep, heavy pull in his chest.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked.
"No," the clerk said. "You did everything right."
The clerk sat down on the edge of the bed. He picked up the ledger from under the bed. He looked at it. He put it back.
"This is the record," the clerk said. "It is complete."
"What does it say?"
"It says you were a good man," the clerk said. "It says you were a fair man."
He felt a pang of doubt. "Was I?"
"Yes," the clerk said. "The evidence is clear."
He looked at the ledger. He wanted to see it. He wanted to prove it. But the clerk closed the book.
"Time is short," the clerk said.
"What happens now?"
"Now you must leave," the clerk said.
"Leave? Where?"
"To the outside," the clerk said. "The world is waiting."
He looked at the door. "I don't remember the way out."
"I will show you," the clerk said.
He stood up. He followed the clerk. They walked down the dark hallway. The walls passed by. They were identical.
They reached a door at the end of the hall. It was iron. It was cold.
The clerk touched the handle. It did not turn.
"It is locked," he said.
"From which side?" the clerk asked.
"I don't know," he said.
The clerk looked at him. His smile faded.
"You must open it yourself," the clerk said.
He put his hand on the handle. He turned it. It resisted. He pulled. It did not move.
"I can't," he said.
"You can," the clerk said. "You have the key."
He looked at his pocket. He felt a cold metal object. He pulled it out. It was a key. It was old. It was rusted.
He put it in the lock. It fit. He turned it.
The door opened.
Light flooded in. It was blinding. It was white.
He stepped through.
He was standing in a square. It was paved with stone. The sky was gray. It was raining.
People were around him. They were dressed in dark clothes. They were holding umbrellas.
He looked down. He was wearing the gray suit.
A woman walked up to him. She was short. She had gray hair. She held an umbrella over her head.
"Is that you?" she asked.
He looked at her. He did not know her. But he felt a shock. A sudden, violent recognition.
"Mother?" he said.
She smiled. It was a sad smile.
"I am not your mother," she said. "I am your sister."
He stared at her. "Sister?"
"Eleanor," she said. "Remember Eleanor?"
He closed his eyes. He tried to remember. He saw a house. He saw a garden. He saw a girl with red hair.
"Eleanor," he said.
"You left us," she said. "You left us a long time ago."
"I didn't mean to," he said.
"We know," she said. "We forgave you."
He looked at the people around him. They were watching him. They were waiting.
"What happened to the cases?" he asked. "The trials?"
Eleanor looked at him. "There were no trials," she said.
"What?"
"The building is gone," she said. "The court is gone."
He looked around. The square was empty. There was no court. There was no building. There was only the rain.
"But the ledger," he said. "The names."
"Those were memories," Eleanor said. "Not facts."
He felt the ground shake. It was a small tremor.
"The system is gone," Eleanor said. "The justice is gone."
He looked at his hands. They were empty. He did not have the key. He did not have the ledger.
"Where am I?" he asked.
"You are here," Eleanor said. "You are in the world."
He looked at her. She was real. She was solid. The rain was on her face.
"Did I fail?" he asked.
"No," Eleanor said. "You succeeded. You broke it."
He looked at the sky. It was getting darker.
"I wanted to fix it," he said.
"You couldn't," Eleanor said. "It was broken from the start."
He felt a weight lift from his shoulders. It was a heavy weight. It had been there for a long time.
"I was so tired," he said.
"I know," Eleanor said. "I know you were tired."
He looked at the square. The people were moving away. They were disappearing into the mist.
"Will I remember?" he asked.
"No," Eleanor said. "That is the mercy."
He felt a tear roll down his cheek. He wiped it away. It was warm.
"I miss you," he said.
"I am here," Eleanor said. "I am always here."
She took his hand. Her hand was warm. It was strong.
They stood there. The rain fell. The world was quiet.
He looked at the spot where the building had been. There was only grass. It was green. It was growing.
He let go of her hand. He walked forward.
He did not look back.
The rain stopped.
The sky cleared.
The sun came out.
It was bright.
It was warm.
He walked on.
He walked into the light.
He did not turn around.
He did not look for the key.
He did not look for the ledger.
He only walked.
The world was wide.
The air was fresh.
He breathed it in.
It tasted of rain.
It tasted of life.
He was free.
He was alone.
He was whole.
The memory of the gray suit faded.
The memory of the dark hallway faded.
The memory of the clerk faded.
Only the feeling of the sun remained.
It was on his face.
It was on his hands.
It was in his heart.
He smiled.
It was a small smile.
It was a real smile.
He walked on.
The road stretched out before him.
It was long.
It was straight.
It was clear.
He walked on.
The sun set.
The stars came out.
He did not stop.
He did not rest.
He walked on.
The night was cold.
The stars were bright.
He was warm.
He was alive.
He was here.
He was home.
The journey was over.
The beginning was now.
He walked on.
The world turned.
The time passed.
He did not mind.
He did not care.
He was free.
He was free.
He was free.
The end.
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