The coat was red.

It was not a bright red.

It was the red of dried blood.

It was the red of old roses.

It sat on the chair.

It waited.

I left it there.

I left it behind.

I walked to the door.

I opened the door.

The wind bit.

The cold was sharp.

It cut my face.

I stepped out.

I did not look back.

I did not touch it.

It stayed.

It is still there.

I know this.

I am certain.

It waits for me.

It never leaves.

It is part of me.

It is my skin.

It is my bone.

It is my curse.

I was a teacher.

I taught history.

I taught the past.

I taught the rules.

I taught the order.

I believed in structure.

I believed in law.

I believed in silence.

I was wrong.

I was so wrong.

The school was a cage.

The students were birds.

I was the keeper.

I held the keys.

I held the fear.

I held the power.

I hated the power.

I wanted to break it.

I wanted to burn it.

But I could not.

I was trapped.

I was bound.

I was silent.

Mr. Ashworth was my mentor.

He was old.

He was kind.

He was tired.

He wore a grey suit.

He smelled of pipe tobacco.

He spoke softly.

He spoke truths.

He showed me the way.

He showed me the exit.

He said, "Look, Margaret."

He said, "See the crack."

He said, "The wall is thin."

He said, "The stone is wet."

He said, "You can break it."

I listened.

I nodded.

I believed him.

I was ready.

I was eager.

I was hungry for freedom.

I was hungry for air.

Then I saw him.

His name was Julian.

He was a student.

He was young.

He was quiet.

He had dark eyes.

He had pale skin.

He looked at me.

He did not look away.

He saw me.

He saw the red coat.

He saw the fear.

He saw the truth.

He knew.

I knew he knew.

He did not speak.

He did not accuse.

He just watched.

He was a mirror.

He reflected my shame.

He reflected my guilt.

He was the curse.

He was the knowledge.

Knowing is a poison.

It burns the tongue.

It rots the teeth.

It kills the heart.

I could not look at him.

I could not look at myself.

I turned away.

I hid.

I buried myself in work.

I buried myself in books.

I buried myself in silence.

The months passed.

The days blurred.

The year turned.

Winter came.

The snow fell.

The world was white.

The world was quiet.

The world was dead.

I walked to school.

I walked to the office.

I sat at my desk.

I graded papers.

I ignored Julian.

I ignored the coat.

I ignored the fear.

But the fear grew.

It grew like a vine.

It wrapped my throat.

It tightened.

It choked.

I gasped.

I coughed.

I could not breathe.

I needed air.

I needed light.

I needed to scream.

I could not scream.

I was mute.

I was stone.

Mr. Ashworth came to me.

He stood in my doorway.

He looked tired.

He looked sad.

He said, "It is time."

I said, "What time?"

He said, "To leave."

I said, "I cannot."

He said, "You must."

He said, "The coat is heavy."

He said, "It is not your coat."

He said, "It is the system's coat."

He said, "It is the institution's skin."

He said, "You are wearing it."

He said, "It is suffocating you."

I looked at my hands.

They were trembling.

I looked at the coat.

It was on the chair.

It was red.

It was wet.

It was breathing.

It was alive.

It was me.

I was it.

I was the monster.

I was the cage.

I was the keeper.

I was the prisoner.

I was both.

There is no escape.

There is only acceptance.

There is only sacrifice.

I went to Julian.

I went to his desk.

He was writing.

He looked up.

His eyes were dark.

His eyes were deep.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "Hello."

I sat down.

I did not speak.

I did not ask.

I did not explain.

I just sat.

I waited.

The silence was loud.

The silence was heavy.

The silence was sharp.

It cut us.

It cut deep.

It bled.

I looked at him.

I saw my face.

I saw my red.

I saw my shame.

I saw my love.

It was there.

It was raw.

It was primal.

It was instinct.

It was beyond reason.

It was beyond words.

It was a curse.

It was a gift.

It was a death.

It was a life.

I reached out.

I touched his hand.

He did not pull away.

He held my hand.

We sat there.

We sat in the dark.

We sat in the light.

We sat in the fire.

We burned.

We did not move.

We did not speak.

We just were.

We just existed.

We just loved.

It was a mistake.

It was a sin.

It was a truth.

It was everything.

The school closed.

The doors locked.

The lights went out.

The night came.

The stars came.

The moon came.

It was full.

It was bright.

It was cold.

I walked out.

Julian walked with me.

We did not talk.

We did not need to.

We walked into the snow.

We walked into the night.

We walked away from the school.

We walked away from the coat.

We walked away from the past.

We walked into the unknown.

The wind howled.

The wind screamed.

The wind sang.

It was a song of loss.

It was a song of freedom.

It was a song of death.

It was a song of life.

We walked on.

We walked far.

We walked until the pain stopped.

We walked until the fear stopped.

We walked until the silence stopped.

We walked until we were alone.

We walked until we were free.

We walked until we were gone.

I am here.

I am alone.

I am in a room.

It is small.

It is dark.

It is cold.

There is a chair.

There is a coat.

It is red.

It is still there.

It is waiting.

It is me.

I am it.

I am the red.

I am the blood.

I am the curse.

I am the knowledge.

I am the sacrifice.

I am the love.

I am the loss.

I am the truth.

I am the lie.

I am the end.

I am the beginning.

I am here.

I am waiting.

I am still.

I am silent.

I am free.

I am trapped.

I am alive.

I am dead.

I am the coat.

I am the wearer.

I am the ghost.

I am the haunt.

I am the memory.

I am the scar.

I am the wound.

I am the heart.

I am the soul.

I am the self.

I am the other.

I am the same.

I am the different.

I am the one.

I am the many.

I am the all.

I am the nothing.

I am the everything.

I am here.

I am waiting.

For what?

For who?

For nothing.

For no one.

For myself.

For the red.

For the cold.

For the silence.

For the end.

For the start.

For the now.

For the forever.

For the always.

For the never.

For the between.

For the in between.

For the space.

For the void.

For the light.

For the dark.

For the fire.

For the ice.

For the life.

For the death.

For the love.

For the hate.

For the fear.

For the hope.

For the faith.

For the doubt.

For the truth.

For the lie.

For the real.

For the fake.

For the true.

For the false.

For the good.

For the bad.

For the right.

For the wrong.

For the just.

For the unjust.

For the fair.

For the unfair.

For the kind.

For the cruel.

For the gentle.

For the harsh.

For the soft.

For the hard.

For the warm.

For the cold.

For the wet.

For the dry.

For the loud.

For the quiet.

For the bright.

For the dim.

For the clear.

For the blur.

For the sharp.

For the dull.

For the new.

For the old.

For the young.

For the aged.

For the past.

For the future.

For the present.

For the now.

For the then.

For the when.

For the where.

For the who.

For the what.

For the why.

For the how.

For the all.

For the none.

For the some.

For the few.

For the many.

For the one.

For the two.

For the three.

For the four.

For the five.

For the six.

For the seven.

For the eight.

For the nine.

For the ten.

For the hundred.

For the thousand.

For the million.

For the billion.

For the trillion.

For the infinity.

For the zero.

For the nothing.

For the everything.

For the self.

For the other.

For the world.

For the universe.

For the cosmos.

For the void.

For the light.

For the dark.

For the fire.

For the ice.

For the life.

For the death.

For the love.

For the hate.

For the fear.

For the hope.

For the faith.

For the doubt.

For the truth.

For the lie.

For the real.

For the fake.

For the true.

For the false.

For the good.

For the bad.

For the right.

For the wrong.

For the just.

For the unjust.

For the fair.

For the unfair.

For the kind.

For the cruel.

For the gentle.

For the harsh.

For the soft.

For the hard.

For the warm.

For the cold.

For the wet.

For the dry.

For the loud.

For the quiet.

For the bright.

For the dim.

For the clear.

For the blur.

For the sharp.

For the dull.

For the new.

For the old.

For the young.

For the aged.

For the past.

For the future.

For the present.

For the now.

For the then.

For the when.

For the where.

For the who.

For the what.

For the why.

For the how.

For the all.

For the none.

For the some.

For the few.

For the many.

For the one.

For the two.

For the three.

For the four.

For the five.

For the six.

For the seven.

For the eight.

For the nine.

For the ten.

For the hundred.

For the thousand.

For the million.

For the billion.

For the trillion.

For the infinity.

For the zero.

For the nothing.

For the everything.

For the self.

For the other.

For the world.

For the universe.

For the cosmos.

For the void.

For the light.

For the dark.

For the fire.

For the ice.

For the life.

For the death.

For the love.

For the hate.

For the fear.

For the hope.

For the faith.

For the doubt.

For the truth.

For the lie.

For the real.

For the fake.

For the true.

For the false.

For the good.

For the bad.

For the right.

For the wrong.

For the just.

For the unjust.

For the fair.

For the unfair.

For the kind.

For the cruel.

For the gentle.

For the harsh.

For the soft.

For the hard.

For the warm.

For the cold.

For the wet.

For the dry.

For the loud.

For the quiet.

For the bright.

For the dim.

For the clear.

For the blur.

For the sharp.

For the dull.

For the new.

For the old.

For the young.

For the aged.

For the past.

For the future.

For the present.

For the now.

For the then.

For the when.

For the where.

For the who.

For the what.

For the why.

For the how.

For the all.

For the none.

For the some.

For the few.

For the many.

For the one.

For the two.

For the three.

For the four.

For the five.

For the six.

For the seven.

For the eight.

For the nine.

For the ten.

For the hundred.

For the thousand.

For the million.

For the billion.

For the trillion.

For the infinity.

For the zero.

For the nothing.

For the everything.