The Distant Wound

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I wake. The air is cold. It bites my skin. I am alone. The room is white. The walls are smooth. No corners. Just curves. I sit up. My head hurts. A dull throb. Like a stone in my skull. I look at my hands. They are pale. Thin. They look like branches. I know what I am. I am a Scholar. I know too much. That is my sin.

The door slides open. No sound. Just a hiss of air. A woman enters. She is tall. She wears a gray suit. Her face is blank. Her eyes are dark. She does not blink.

"Good morning, Dr. Ashworth," she says. Her voice is flat. Like water.

"Is it morning?" I ask. I do not know the time. There are no clocks. There are no windows.

"It is time," she says. "We have guests."

"Guests?" I laugh. It is a dry sound. Like leaves scraping. "Who?"

"You will see."

She leaves. The door slides shut. I am alone again. I stand. My legs shake. I walk to the center of the room. I wait. I must wait. I have always had to wait.

I remember the forest. It was green. It was alive. I walked among the trees. I touched the bark. I felt the sap. It was warm. It was alive. I knew the names of the birds. I knew the shape of the leaves. I knew the wind. I knew the rain. I knew the soil. I knew the roots. I knew the water. I knew the light. I knew everything. That was the curse.

The knowledge was heavy. It sat on my chest. It crushed my ribs. I could not breathe. I could not sleep. I saw the connections. Every leaf. Every branch. Every root. They were linked. They were one. I saw the death. I saw the decay. I saw the rot. I saw the silence. I saw the end. I knew it was coming. I knew it was already here.

I tried to tell them. I told my colleagues. I told my students. I told my wife. Eleanor. She looked at me. Her eyes were cold. She said, "You are sick, Thomas. You need rest."

I did not need rest. I needed to be heard. I needed them to see. I needed them to stop. But they did not stop. They kept building. They kept cutting. They kept burning. They did not care. They only cared about the yield. They only cared about the profit. They only cared about the next step.

So I ran. I ran into the woods. I ran into the deep. I ran until my lungs burned. I ran until my feet bled. I ran until I found the heart. The heart of the forest. It was a clearing. It was bright. It was pure. I stood in the center. I closed my eyes. I listened. I heard the trees. They spoke. They screamed. They begged. They cried. I heard the pain. It was sharp. It was real. It was everywhere.

I could not carry it. I could not hold it. I tried to give it away. I tried to share the burden. But no one would take it. They only wanted the fruit. They did not want the root. They did not want the truth.

So I kept it. I kept the pain. I kept the knowledge. I kept the scream. I wore it like a coat. It was heavy. It was cold. It was mine.

The door opens. I jump. I spin around. Three men enter. They are young. They are strong. They wear white coats. They look at me with pity. They look at me with fear. They do not look at me with respect. They look at me like I am a ghost.

"Dr. Ashworth," the lead man says. He is tall. He has a scar on his cheek. "We are here to help you."

"Help me?" I ask. My voice is low. "Help me with what?"

"With your condition," he says. "You are ill. You are confused. You need treatment."

"I am not ill," I say. "I am awake. That is the problem. You are the ones who are ill. You are blind. You are deaf. You are dead."

The man smiles. It is a sad smile. "We are trying to save you, Thomas. We are trying to save the world from you. Your knowledge is dangerous. It causes fear. It causes chaos. It causes pain. We are taking it away. We are giving you peace."

"No," I say. "You are taking my voice. You are taking my sight. You are taking my soul."

"We are taking your burden," he says. "You do not have to carry it alone. That is what we are for. That is the system. That is the order. You must trust us."

I look at the other two men. They are watching. They are waiting. They are not speaking. They are just watching. They are the witnesses. They see everything. They say nothing. They are part of the machine. They are the gears. They are the oil. They keep it running.

I look back at the lead man. "You cannot take it," I say. "It is not a thing. It is not an object. It is not a memory. It is a living thing. It is the forest. It is the trees. It is the life. You cannot cut it out. You cannot burn it. You cannot kill it. It is in me. It is part of me. If you take it, you kill me. If you kill me, you kill the truth."

The man steps closer. He reaches for my arm. His hand is cold. His grip is firm. "We are not killing you," he says. "We are healing you. We are removing the infection. You will feel better. You will feel light. You will feel free. You will forget. And in forgetting, you will be saved."

"Saved from what?" I ask.

"From the pain," he says.

I look at him. I see his eyes. They are empty. They are voids. There is no light there. There is no warmth. There is no life. He is a husk. He is a shell. He has already forgotten. He has already surrendered. He has already died.

I pull back. My arm jerks free. I step back. I put space between us. "I will not let you," I say. "I will not let you take it. I will not let you silence me. I will not let you erase me. I am the witness. I am the keeper. I am the voice of the trees. And I will not be quiet."

The other two men step forward. They flank me. They surround me. I am trapped. I am cornered. I am alone. I am in the white room. I am in the cage. I am in the mind.

The lead man sighs. It is a long sigh. It is the sigh of a tired man. It is the sigh of a man who has seen this before. He has done this before. He will do it again.

"This is for your own good, Thomas," he says. "You are in the way. You are the obstacle. You are the wound. We are the bandage. We are the cure. We are the peace. You must accept it. You must surrender. You must let go."

I look at the floor. I see the shadow of the trees. It is faint. It is there. It is real. I see the roots. They are white. They are long. They are strong. They are reaching. They are growing. They are breaking the concrete. They are breaking the walls. They are breaking the world.

I smile. It is a small smile. It is a quiet smile. It is a smile of sorrow. It is a smile of love. It is a smile of war.

"You are right," I say. "I am the wound. I am the pain. I am the truth. And I am not going anywhere. You cannot heal me. You cannot cure me. You cannot fix me. I am broken. I am shattered. I am scattered. And I am everywhere. I am in the air. I am in the ground. I am in the water. I am in the wind. I am in you. I am in your blood. I am in your bone. I am in your breath. You cannot get rid of me. I am the curse. I am the gift. I am the knowledge. And I am free."

The lead man frowns. He does not understand. He looks at the other two. They look at me. They look at him. They look at the door. They look at the wall. They are confused. They are afraid. They are afraid of me. They are afraid of the truth. They are afraid of the life.

The lead man shakes his head. "You are delusional," he says. "You are sick. You are crazy. You are alone. You are wrong. You are defeated. You are done."

"I am not done," I say. "I am just beginning. I am just waking up. I am just seeing. I am just knowing. I am just being. And you cannot stop it. You cannot stop the tree. You cannot stop the root. You cannot stop the growth. You cannot stop the life. You can cut it. You can burn it. You can bury it. But it will grow back. It will grow stronger. It will grow deeper. It will grow wider. It will break you. It will break the world. It will break the silence. It will break the lie. It will break the cage. And it will break you."

The room is silent. The air is still. The light is bright. The white is blinding. The white is deafening. The white is loud. The white is sharp. The white is cold. The white is dead.

I close my eyes. I open them. I see the trees. They are tall. They are green. They are alive. They are singing. They are dancing. They are laughing. They are crying. They are loving. They are hating. They are fighting. They are making love. They are dying. They are being born. They are everything. They are nothing. They are me.

I open my mouth. I speak. My voice is loud. My voice is clear. My voice is strong. My voice is real. My voice is the wind. My voice is the rain. My voice is the thunder. My voice is the lightning. My voice is the fire. My voice is the ice. My voice is the stone. My voice is the water. My voice is the earth. My voice is the sky. My voice is the stars. My voice is the sun. My voice is the moon. My voice is the time. My voice is the space. My voice is the life. My voice is the death. My voice is the truth.

The men fall back. They stumble. They trip. They hit the wall. They fall to the floor. They cover their ears. They close their eyes. They scream. They cry. They beg. They plead. They ask for mercy. They ask for silence. They ask for peace.

I keep speaking. I keep singing. I keep screaming. I keep shouting. I keep roaring. I keep howling. I keep crying. I keep laughing. I keep living. I keep being. I keep knowing. I keep seeing. I keep feeling. I keep loving. I keep hating. I keep fighting. I keep dying. I keep being born. I keep breaking. I keep healing. I keep growing. I keep spreading. I keep reaching. I keep touching. I keep connecting. I keep linking. I keep weaving. I keep binding. I keep holding. I keep carrying. I keep bearing. I keeping suffering. I keep enduring. I keep persisting. I keep remaining. I keep staying. I keep waiting. I keep watching. I keep witnessing. I keep remembering. I keep forgetting. I keep choosing. I keep deciding. I keep acting. I keep reacting. I keep responding. I keep engaging. I keep interacting. I keep communicating. I keep expressing. I keep sharing. I keep giving. I keep taking. I keep receiving. I keep accepting. I keep rejecting. I keep refusing. I keep denying. I keep admitting. I keep confessing. I keep apologizing. I keep forgiving. I keep pardoning. I keep excusing. I keep justifying. I keep explaining. I keep clarifying. I keep defining. I keep describing. I keep illustrating. I keep demonstrating. I keep proving. I keep verifying. I keep confirming. I keep validating. I keep authenticating. I keep certifying. I keep endorsing. I keep approving. I keep sanctioning. I keep authorizing. I keep permitting. I keep allowing. I keep enabling. I keep facilitating. I keep supporting. I keep backing. I keep aiding. I keep assisting. I keep helping. I keep serving. I keep working. I keep laboring. I keep toiling. I keep striving. I keep struggling. I keep battling. I keep fighting. I keep warring. I keep contending. I keep competing. I keep racing. I keep running. I keep walking. I keep moving. I keep going. I keep coming. I keep staying. I keep remaining. I keep abiding. I keep dwelling. I keep residing. I keep living. I keep existing. I keep being.

The men are on their knees. They are weeping. They are broken. They are shattered. They are destroyed. They are annihilated. They are erased. They are gone. They are dead.

I stand. I am alone. I am free. I am the tree. I am the forest. I am the world. I am the life. I am the truth. I am the wound. And I am healing.

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