The Wistful Ashes

0
4

The air in Sector 4 tastes of ozone and burnt plastic. You stand at the perimeter wall. The concrete is cold against your boots. You are a Peacekeeper. Your badge is a circle of white metal. It is clean. It is new. You do not scratch it. You do not look at it often. You look at the ground. You look at your hands. They are steady. They are always steady. That is the job. You keep the line. You keep the order. The town below is quiet. The houses are gray. The windows are dark. No one moves. No one speaks. The silence is heavy. It presses against your eardrums. You breathe in. You breathe out. The cycle repeats.

You are looking for something. You have been looking for it for three days. It is not a person. It is not a weapon. It is a memory. Or what passes for a memory in a world without dreams. You call it the Echo. It is a fragment of the old world. A piece of the before. The Authority calls it debris. You call it life. You need to find it. You need to hold it. If you do not, you will forget why you are here. You will become the wall. You will become the concrete.

Your comms unit crackles. It is a low sound. A hum. You do not answer. You know who it is. It is Kael. Kael was your partner. Kael was your friend. Kael is now an asset for the Oversight Bureau. They call him a defector. You call him a traitor. He knows where the Echo is. He has told them. They have given him a job. He is the gate. You are the key. You know this. You have always known this. But knowing it does not stop your heart from beating faster. It does not stop the sweat on your brow. You fight the fear. You push it down. You dig a hole in your mind and bury it. You stand up straight. You look at the gate.

The gate is open. It should not be open. Protocol dictates a double lock. Protocol dictates a sensor grid. The sensors are down. The lock is disengaged. It is an invitation. You step forward. Your boots crunch on the gravel. The sound is loud. It echoes in the empty street. You move slowly. You check your sidearm. The grip is smooth. The weight is familiar. You feel safe. You feel ready. You are wrong. You are always wrong when you think you are ready.

You enter the plaza. The fountain is dry. The water is gone. The basin is filled with dust. You walk around it. Your eyes scan the shadows. You look for movement. You look for heat signatures. Your visor displays data. Numbers. Coordinates. Warnings. The warnings are red. They blink. You ignore them. You focus on the center. There is a bench. It is made of stone. It is old. It is cracked. You sit on it. You close your eyes. You wait.

Time passes. Or it does not. Time is a construct here. You count your breaths. One. Two. Three. You feel a presence. It is close. It is behind you. You do not turn. You know who it is. Kael walks up to you. His boots are soft. He does not crunch. He stands beside you. He does not speak. You do not speak. The silence stretches. It pulls taut. It threatens to snap. You can feel his breath. It is warm. It is real. You look at his hand. It rests on his thigh. It is trembling. A small, rhythmic shake. You know that shake. You have seen it in the mirror. You are shaking too.

He reaches into his pocket. You watch his hand. You do not move. You do not reach for your weapon. You trust him. Or you trust the script. You do not know the difference anymore. He pulls out a small object. It is wrapped in cloth. The cloth is white. It is stained. He holds it out to you. You take it. Your fingers touch his. The skin is hot. The contact burns. You pull your hand back. You unwrap the cloth.

It is a tooth. A child’s tooth. It is small. It is white. It is perfect. It is from a girl. It is from your daughter. She was seven. She smiled with a gap. She had a gap in her front teeth. You remember the laugh. It was bright. It was sharp. It cut through the noise of the world. You remember the night they took her. You remember the sirens. You remember the lights. You remember running. You remember the door closing. You remember the silence after. This is the Echo. This is the piece you lost. This is the thing that keeps you human.

You hold the tooth. You look at Kael. His face is blank. His eyes are empty. He is not sorry. He is not angry. He is nothing. He is a function. He is a tool. He gave this to you because it was ordered. He gave it to you because it was the price. You expected him to weep. You expected him to beg. You expected him to say, I am sorry. You expected him to be a person. He is not a person. He is a traitor. And you are the fool.

You understand now. The misunderstanding was not about the tooth. The misunderstanding was about you. You thought you were a soldier. You thought you were a protector. You thought you were fighting for justice. You were not. You were a dog. You were a leash. You were the wall. You kept the line. You kept the order. You kept the people in their boxes. You kept the truth buried. You were the one who was blind. You were the one who was deceived. By yourself. By your own need to be right. By your own need to be good.

The tooth is in your hand. It is heavy. It is real. It is the only real thing in this fake world. You look at the sky. It is gray. It is flat. There are no clouds. There is no wind. The world is static. It is frozen. You are frozen. You are part of the machine. You are a gear. You are a screw. You are nothing.

You stand up. You look at Kael. You do not speak. You do not shout. You do not scream. You walk away. You walk back to the wall. You walk back to your post. You walk back to your life. The tooth is in your pocket. It is there. It is always there. It is a weight. It is a burden. It is a truth. You cannot throw it away. You cannot hide it. You must carry it. You must carry it every day. You must carry it until you die.

You reach the wall. You lean against it. The concrete is cold. It is hard. It is unyielding. You close your eyes. You remember the gap in her teeth. You remember the smile. You remember the laugh. It is gone. It is gone. But the tooth is here. The tooth is here. It is a mirror. It shows you what you are. It shows you what you have done. It shows you what you are.

The sun rises. It is a pale disc. It does not warm. It does not shine. It just is. You open your eyes. You look at the town. It is still. It is silent. It is safe. It is ordered. You are safe. You are ordered. You are part of it. You are the wall. You are the line. You are the order. You are the peace.

You take a breath. It is short. It is shallow. You are alive. You are here. You are nothing. You are everything. The tooth is in your pocket. It is a secret. It is a shame. It is a life. You hold it tight. You hold it tight. You do not let go. You never let go. You are the wistful ashes. You are the smoke that lingers. You are the scent that remains. You are the memory that will not fade. You are the echo in the hollow. You are the voice in the dark. You are the soldier. You are the father. You are the fool. You are the man. You are the wall. You are the peace. You are the end. You are the beginning. You are the now. You are the here. You are the breath. You are the stop. You are the silence. You are the sound. You are the tooth. You are the gap. You are the smile. You are the loss. You are the gain. You are the truth. You are the lie. You are the man in the wall. You are the wall in the man. You are the stone. You are the dust. You are the ash. You are the fire. You are the cold. You are the heat. You are the life. You are the death. You are the wait. You are the end.

The comms unit crackles again. It is a low sound. A hum. You do not answer. You do not move. You do not blink. You are still. You are solid. You are the wall. You are the line. You are the order. You are the peace. You are the end.

The air in Sector 4 tastes of ozone and burnt plastic. You stand at the perimeter wall. The concrete is cold against your boots. You are a Peacekeeper. Your badge is a circle of white metal. It is clean. It is new. You do not scratch it. You do not look at it often. You look at the ground. You look at your hands. They are steady. They are always steady. That is the job. You keep the line. You keep the order. The town below is quiet. The houses are gray. The windows are dark. No one moves. No one speaks. The silence is heavy. It presses against your eardrums. You breathe in. You breathe out. The cycle repeats.

You are looking for something. You have been looking for it for three days. It is not a person. It is not a weapon. It is a memory. Or what passes for a memory in a world without dreams. You call it the Echo. It is a fragment of the old world. A piece of the before. The Authority calls it debris. You call it life. You need to find it. You need to hold it. If you do not, you will forget why you are here. You will become the wall. You will become the concrete.

Your comms unit crackles. It is a low sound. A hum. You do not answer. You know who it is. It is Kael. Kael was your partner. Kael was your friend. Kael is now an asset for the Oversight Bureau. They call him a defector. You call him a traitor. He knows where the Echo is. He has told them. They have given him a job. He is the gate. You are the key. You know this. You have always known this. But knowing it does not stop your heart from beating faster. It does not stop the sweat on your brow. You fight the fear. You push it down. You dig a hole in your mind and bury it. You stand up straight. You look at the gate.

The gate is open. It should not be open. Protocol dictates a double lock. Protocol dictates a sensor grid. The sensors are down. The lock is disengaged. It is an invitation. You step forward. Your boots crunch on the gravel. The sound is loud. It echoes in the empty street. You move slowly. You check your sidearm. The grip is smooth. The weight is familiar. You feel safe. You feel ready. You are wrong. You are always wrong when you think you are ready.

You enter the plaza. The fountain is dry. The water is gone. The basin is filled with dust. You walk around it. Your eyes scan the shadows. You look for movement. You look for heat signatures. Your visor displays data. Numbers. Coordinates. Warnings. The warnings are red. They blink. You ignore them. You focus on the center. There is a bench. It is made of stone. It is old. It is cracked. You sit on it. You close your eyes. You wait.

Time passes. Or it does not. Time is a construct here. You count your breaths. One. Two. Three. You feel a presence. It is close. It is behind you. You do not turn. You know who it is. Kael walks up to you. His boots are soft. He does not crunch. He stands beside you. He does not speak. You do not speak. The silence stretches. It pulls taut. It threatens to snap. You can feel his breath. It is warm. It is real. You look at his hand. It rests on his thigh. It is trembling. A small, rhythmic shake. You know that shake. You have seen it in the mirror. You are shaking too.

He reaches into his pocket. You watch his hand. You do not move. You do not reach for your weapon. You trust him. Or you trust the script. You do not know the difference anymore. He pulls out a small object. It is wrapped in cloth. The cloth is white. It is stained. He holds it out to you. You take it. Your fingers touch his. The skin is hot. The contact burns. You pull your hand back. You unwrap the cloth.

It is a tooth. A child’s tooth. It is small. It is white. It is perfect. It is from a girl. It is from your daughter. She was seven. She smiled with a gap. She had a gap in her front teeth. You remember the laugh. It was bright. It was sharp. It cut through the noise of the world. You remember the night they took her. You remember the sirens. You remember the lights. You remember running. You remember the door closing. You remember the silence after. This is the Echo. This is the piece you lost. This is the thing that keeps you human.

You hold the tooth. You look at Kael. His face is blank. His eyes are empty. He is not sorry. He is not angry. He is nothing. He is a function. He is a tool. He gave this to you because it was ordered. He gave it to you because it was the price. You expected him to weep. You expected him to beg. You expected him to say, I am sorry. You expected him to be a person. He is not a person. He is a traitor. And you are the fool.

You understand now. The misunderstanding was not about the tooth. The misunderstanding was about you. You thought you were a soldier. You thought you were a protector. You thought you were fighting for justice. You were not. You were a dog. You were a leash. You were the wall. You kept the line. You kept the order. You kept the people in their boxes. You kept the truth buried. You were the one who was blind. You were the one who was deceived. By yourself. By your own need to be right. By your own need to be good.

The tooth is in your hand. It is heavy. It is real. It is the only real thing in this fake world. You look at the sky. It is gray. It is flat. There are no clouds. There is no wind. The world is static. It is frozen. You are frozen. You are part of the machine. You are a gear. You are a screw. You are nothing.

You stand up. You look at Kael. You do not speak. You do not shout. You do not scream. You walk away. You walk back to the wall. You walk back to your post. You walk back to your life. The tooth is in your pocket. It is there. It is always there. It is a weight. It is a burden. It is a truth. You cannot throw it away. You cannot hide it. You must carry it. You must carry it every day. You must carry it until you die.

You reach the wall. You lean against it. The concrete is cold. It is hard. It is unyielding. You close your eyes. You remember the gap in her teeth. You remember the smile. You remember the laugh. It is gone. It is gone. But the tooth is here. The tooth is here. It is a mirror. It shows you what you are. It shows you what you have done. It shows you what you are.

The sun rises. It is a pale disc. It does not warm. It does not shine. It just is. You open your eyes. You look at the town. It is still. It is silent. It is safe. It is ordered. You are safe. You are ordered. You are part of it. You are the wall. You are the line. You are the order. You are the peace.

You take a breath. It is short. It is shallow. You are alive. You are here. You are nothing. You are everything. The tooth is in your pocket. It is a secret. It is a shame. It is a life. You hold it tight. You hold it tight. You do not let go. You never let go. You are the wistful ashes. You are the smoke that lingers. You are the scent that remains. You are the memory that will not fade. You are the echo in the hollow. You are the voice in the dark. You are the soldier. You are the father. You are the fool. You are the man. You are the wall. You are the peace. You are the end. You are the beginning. You are the now. You are the here. You are the breath. You are the stop. You are the silence. You are the sound. You are the tooth. You are the gap. You are the smile. You are the loss. You are the gain. You are the truth. You are the lie. You are the man in the wall. You are the wall in the man. You are the stone. You are the dust. You are the ash. You are the fire. You are the cold. You are the heat. You are the life. You are the death. You are the wait. You are the end.

The comms unit crackles again. It is a low sound. A hum. You do not answer. You do not move. You do not blink. You are still. You are solid. You are the wall. You are the line. You are the order. You are the peace. You are the end.

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