The tie is silk. It is blue. It has a pattern of tiny, white birds. You bought it in 1998. You remember the shop. It smelled of stale coffee and cedar. The shopkeeper was a man with a missing tooth. He called it "good luck." You wore it to your first lecture. You wore it to the faculty meeting where they discussed your tenure. You wore it every day for ten years. Now the silk is thin. It is like parchment. The blue is gone. It is the color of old dishwater. The birds are blurry. You touch the knot. It is frayed. You are a professor of history. You are old. Your name is Arthur. You live in a house with too many books. You live in a town called Oakhaven. It is a small town. It is grey. The rain is constant. The rain is heavy. It hits the window glass. It sounds like fingers tapping. You are alone. Your brother, David, is gone. David died in the winter. He died of his heart. He was only forty. You loved him. You loved him with a fire that burned your eyes. You loved him with a hunger that never stopped. You missed him every second. You missed him in the dark. You missed him in the light. You missed him when you ate. You missed him when you slept. His death was a wound. The wound would not close. It bled time. It bled silence.

You have a problem. It is a secret. It is a crime. You stole. You stole a document. It was from the university. It was a file. It belonged to the Dean. The Dean is a man named Galloway. He is fat. He is loud. He is cruel. He is the power. He is the system. The system is a machine. The machine eats people. The machine eats truth. You found the file. It was in a drawer. The drawer was locked. You had the key. You were the archivist. You kept the keys. You opened the drawer. You read the file. It was a list. It was a list of students. It was a list of students who were failed. It was not their fault. It was Galloway’s fault. He failed them. He failed them to keep the grades high. He failed them to protect his own record. It was a lie. It was a fraud. You knew it was wrong. You knew you should stop. You did not stop. You took the file. You hid it. You hid it in your desk. You hid it in your home. You hid it in your mind. You were proud. You felt righteous. You were the hero. You were the judge. You were the jury. You were the executioner. You felt strong. You felt safe. You were the master of the truth.

But the truth is a heavy thing. It weighs on you. It weighs on your neck. It weighs on your soul. You cannot sleep. You wake up at three. You look at the clock. The clock ticks. The clock counts. The clock judges. You go to the window. You look at the street. The street is empty. The street is dark. There are shadows. The shadows move. The shadows watch. You feel watched. You feel hunted. You are not the hunter. You are the prey. The system is watching. Galloway is watching. He knows. He knows you took it. He does not say it. He smiles. He smiles at you in the hallway. His smile is thin. His smile is cold. It cuts you. It chills you. You shrink. You hide. You are afraid. You are no longer the hero. You are a thief. You are a coward. You are a ghost.

Your tie is still there. It hangs in the closet. It hangs in the dark. It hangs in the silence. You look at it. You see your face. It is distorted. It is old. It is tired. You see David’s face. David was kind. David was gentle. David was the light. David was the good. You betrayed David. You betrayed your own heart. You chose the system. You chose the power. You chose the lie. You are a traitor. You are a man without a soul. The guilt is a stone. You carry the stone. You carry it up the hill. The hill is steep. The hill is long. You are tired. You are broken. You want to stop. You want to let go. You want to burn the file. You want to give the key. You want to be free. But you cannot. You are stuck. You are trapped. The trap is your own making. The bars are your own fear. The lock is your own pride.

One day, the phone rings. You do not answer. It rings again. You do not answer. It rings a third time. You pick it up. It is Galloway. His voice is soft. It is sweet. It is poison. "Arthur," he says. "I need to see you. Come to my office. It is urgent. It is about the students. It is about the future. It is about you." You hang up. Your hand shakes. Your heart beats. It beats fast. It beats hard. It beats like a drum. It beats like a war. You go to the office. You walk through the halls. The halls are long. The halls are grey. The walls are stone. The stone is cold. You feel the cold. You feel the fear. You enter the room. Galloway is there. He is sitting. He is smiling. He looks at you. He does not blink. He is a statue. He is a ghost. He is the devil.

"Sit down, Arthur," he says. You sit. The chair is hard. The chair is cold. The chair is a throne. He looks at you. He looks through you. He sees your soul. He sees your fear. He sees your shame. He knows. He has always known. He let you take it. He wanted you to take it. He wanted you to suffer. He wanted you to break. He is the spider. You are the fly. You are the bug. You are the nothing. "You took my file," he says. "I knew it was you. I watched you. I saw you. I let you do it. I let you think you were right. I let you think you were good. But you are not good. You are weak. You are small. You are a child. You played with fire. You burned your hands. Now you cry. Now you beg. You are nothing. You are less than nothing. You are dust. You are air. You are gone."

He stands up. He walks to the window. He looks out. He looks at the rain. The rain is heavy. The rain is loud. The rain is angry. He turns back. He looks at you. He takes out a folder. He puts it on the desk. "This is your file," he says. "Your record. Your history. Your life. It is all here. It is all mine. I can destroy it. I can ruin you. I can end you. I can make you disappear. You will be no one. You will be nothing. You will be forgotten. You will be erased. Do you understand?" You do not speak. You cannot speak. Your throat is tight. Your throat is closed. Your throat is a knot. You are silent. You are dead. You are finished.

He opens the folder. He takes out a paper. He holds it up. He shows it to you. It is a letter. It is from you. It is a letter to David. You wrote it last year. You wrote it when David was sick. You wrote it when you were angry. You wrote it when you were proud. You wrote that you would save the students. You wrote that you would fight the monster. You wrote that you would win. You wrote that you were the hero. You wrote that you loved David. You wrote that you were good. You lied. You were not good. You were not a hero. You were a liar. You were a fool. You were a coward.

Galloway smiles. He puts the letter down. "You loved him," he says. "You loved him so much. You used him. You used his memory. You used his love. You used his death. You used his ghost. You are a monster. You are a beast. You are a villain. You are the bad guy. You are the lie. You are the fraud. You are the thief. You are the traitor." He laughs. He laughs loud. He laughs hard. He laughs at you. He laughs at the world. He laughs at the truth. The laugh is sharp. The laugh is cruel. The laugh is final. It cuts you. It kills you. You are dead. You are gone. You are nothing.

He points to the door. "Get out," he says. "Get out now. Get out and never come back. You are fired. You are expelled. You are out. You are done. You are finished. You are over. You are dead. Go." You stand up. Your legs shake. Your legs give way. You fall. You hit the floor. You are on the ground. You are on the carpet. The carpet is soft. The carpet is old. The carpet is grey. You look at Galloway. He looks at you. He does not move. He does not speak. He is a statue. He is a god. He is the end.

You crawl. You crawl to the door. You open the door. You go out. You walk. You walk down the hall. The hall is long. The hall is dark. The hall is cold. You walk to the stairs. You walk down the stairs. The stairs are steep. The stairs are hard. The stairs are endless. You walk to the door. You go out. You are in the street. The rain is heavy. The rain is cold. The rain is wet. You are wet. You are cold. You are alone. You are free. You are free from the system. You are free from Galloway. You are free from the file. You are free from the lie. You are free from the guilt. You are free from the fear. You are free from the pride. You are free from the anger. You are free from the hate. You are free.

You go home. You walk home. The walk is long. The walk is hard. The walk is slow. You are tired. You are empty. You are hollow. You are a shell. You are a ghost. You are a nothing. You open the door. You go in. You are in your house. The house is quiet. The house is dark. The house is cold. You go to the closet. You open the closet. You see the tie. The tie is there. The tie is blue. The tie is silk. The tie is old. The tie is frayed. You take the tie. You hold it. You hold it tight. You hold it in your hands. You feel the silk. You feel the thread. You feel the knot. You feel the weight. You feel the past. You feel the present. You feel the future. You feel David. You feel the love. You feel the loss. You feel the pain. You feel the truth.

You sit down. You sit on the bed. You put the tie on the bed. You look at it. You do not pick it up. You do not wear it. You do not keep it. You do not hide it. You do not burn it. You do not throw it away. You leave it. You leave it there. You leave it in the light. You leave it in the dark. You leave it in the silence. You leave it in the rain. You leave it in the world. You let it go. You let it fade. You let it die. You let it be. You let it be nothing. You let it be air. You let it be dust. You let it be gone.

You close your eyes. You breathe. You breathe in. You breathe out. You are still. You are calm. You are quiet. You are empty. You are full. You are alive. You are dead. You are both. You are nothing. You are everything. You are free. You are alone. You are home. The rain stops. The light comes. The sun rises. The day begins. The day is new. The day is clean. The day is clear. The day is bright. The day is white. The day is gold. The day is peace. The day is rest. The day is end. The day is start. The day is life. The day is death. The day is truth. The day is lie. The day is love. The day is hate. The day is you. The day is me. The day is us. The day is now. The day is forever. The day is gone.