The feast is a lie. This is the first thing you understand, though you do not yet have the words for it. The hall is vast, a cathedral of stone and dust, illuminated by candles that burn with a cold, blue intensity. The air smells of wax and old blood. You stand at the edge of the table, a long slab of mahogany that stretches into the gloom like a spine. You are a soldier, or perhaps a guard, though the title feels thin against the weight of your uniform. It is a uniform of grey wool, worn at the elbows, smelling of sweat and iron. You hold a rifle. You hold it with the reverence of a priest holding a chalice. It is your anchor. It is your truth.

The others are eating. They move with a fluidity that makes your joints ache. Their faces are pale, luminous, almost transparent. They speak in whispers that sound like wind moving through dry leaves. They do not look at you. They look through you. You are a fixture. You are the shadow that falls on the wall when the light is dim. You are not part of the feast. You are the container of the feast.

You have been here for a long time. Time is not a line here. It is a circle. It is a knot. You remember the day you entered this city. It was a day of rain, the kind that soaks into the bones. You were young then. You were hungry. You were afraid. You had walked for weeks through fields that had been stripped of their color. You had seen villages that were empty, save for the wind and the rats. You had seen people who had forgotten how to walk, who sat in the mud and stared at nothing. You were one of them, almost. Your stomach was a void. Your hands were shaking.

Then you found the gate. It was a heavy door of iron, set into a wall of black stone. You knocked. You did not know why you knocked. You were too tired to think. But you knocked. The sound was dull, dead. Then the door opened. A hand reached out. It was a hand of bone and pale skin. It pulled you in.

You did not ask questions. You were too hungry. You ate. You slept. You woke. And then you were given the rifle. You were told to stand. You were told to watch. You were told to keep them out.

Who were they? The ones who would come? You did not know. You did not care. You were alive. That was enough.

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. The feast never ended. The candles never went out. The hunger in your stomach faded, replaced by a different kind of emptiness. A cold, quiet emptiness. You began to understand the nature of the place. It was a prison. But it was also a sanctuary. It was a place where you did not have to fight for your life. You did not have to scavenge for food. You did not have to fear the dark. You only had to stand. You only had to hold the rifle.

You began to love the rifle. It was heavy, solid, real. It was the only thing in this place that did not change. The walls did not change. The candles did not change. The faces of the diners did not change. But the rifle was yours. It was your extension. It was your self. You polished it every night. You oiled the barrel. You checked the safety. You spoke to it, though you had no words. You told it you were tired. You told it you were afraid. It did not answer. But it did not leave.

You began to see the others clearly. They were not people. They were echoes. They were memories of people who had been hungry, who had been afraid, who had found the gate. They had eaten, and they had stayed. They had become part of the feast. They were the sustenance that kept the walls standing. They were the fuel that kept the candles burning.

You understood then. You were not a guard. You were a component. You were a part of the machine. The machine that fed them. The machine that kept the darkness out.

One night, a figure approached the gate. It was a boy. He was small, frail, wearing a coat that was too big for him. He was shivering. His eyes were wide with terror. He looked at you. He saw the rifle. He saw the uniform. He saw the emptiness in your eyes.

You did not move. You did not speak. You held the rifle. You waited.

The boy did not knock. He stood there, trembling. The wind howled around him. The rain lashed against the stone. He was dying. You could see it in the way he swayed. You could see it in the way his breath misted in the cold air.

You should have let him in. You knew that. The instinct of the soldier, the instinct of the human, screamed at you. Let him in. Give him food. Give him warmth. Save him.

But you did not.

You raised the rifle. Your hand did not shake. Your breath did not catch. You were calm. You were precise. You were the machine.

You fired.

The boy fell. He did not cry out. He simply crumpled. He lay in the mud, a small, dark shape. The rain washed the red from his face.

You felt nothing. You felt the recoil in your shoulder. You felt the vibration in the stock. You felt the silence that followed.

You turned away. You walked back to the table. You sat down. You picked up a fork. You ate.

The others looked at you. They smiled. They clinked their glasses. They toasted you. They called you brave. They called you strong. They called you one of them.

You felt a surge of pride. You had done your duty. You had kept the gate closed. You had protected the feast. You had saved yourself.

But then, as you chewed, you felt a shift. A subtle change in the air. The candles flickered. The shadows lengthened. The faces of the diners grew blurry. They were dissolving. They were fading. They were becoming smoke.

You looked at your hands. They were pale. They were translucent. You could see the bone beneath the skin. You looked at your uniform. It was fading. It was becoming light. You looked at the rifle. It was gone. It had never been there. It was a memory. It was a dream.

You were not a soldier. You were a ghost. You were an echo. You were a part of the feast.

You had been here for a long time. You had always been here. You had never left. You had never been outside. The city, the rain, the hunger, the gate, the boy, the rifle, the feast, it was all a loop. A circle. A knot.

You were the boy. You were the soldier. You were the one who knocked. You were the one who shot. You were the one who ate. You were the one who died.

You looked at the table. It was empty. The candles were out. The darkness was absolute.

You opened your mouth to scream, but no sound came out. You had no lungs. You had no throat. You had no voice.

You were alone. You were always alone.

You closed your eyes. You waited.

You felt the cold. You felt the hunger. You felt the fear.

You knocked.

The door opened.

You walked in.

You ate.

You slept.

You woke.

You stood.

You held the rifle.

You watched.

You kept them out.

The feast continued. The candles burned. The echoes whispered. The wheel turned. The cycle unbroken. The truth invisible. The pain eternal. You were safe. You were fed. You were home. You were lost. You were free. You were trapped. You were one. You were many. You were nothing. You were everything.

The silence was loud. The darkness was bright. The hunger was full. The fear was calm. The loop was complete. The story was over. The story had just begun. You were the wistful mountain. You were the stone. You were the wind. You were the rain. You were the blood. You were the bone. You were the ash. You were the seed. You were the tree. You were the root. You were the leaf. You were the fall. You were the rise. You were the end. You were the start. You were the middle. You were the edge. You were the center. You were the outside. You were the inside. You were the before. You were the after. You were the now. You were the never. You were the always. You were the perhaps. You were the surely. You were the doubt. You were the faith. You were the question. You were the answer. You were the silence. You were the noise. You were the light. You were the dark. You were the life. You were the death. You were the breath. You were the stop. You were the beat. You were the pause. You were the rest. You were the song. You were the songless. You were the word. You were the wordless. You were the name. You were the nameless. You were the self. You were the selfless. You were the other. You were the otherless. You were the same. You were the sameless. You were the difference. You were the differenceless. You were the one. You were the oneness. You were the many. You were the manyless. You were the all. You were the allness. You were the none. You were the noneness. You were the being. You were the beingless. You were the becoming. You were the becomingless. You were the having. You were the havingless. You were the doing. You were the doingless. You were the knowing. You were the knowingless. You were the feeling. You were the feelingless. You were the thinking. You were the thinkingless. You were the willing. You were the willingless. You were the choosing. You were the choosingless. You were the acting. You were the actingless. You were the reacting. You were the reactingless. You were the perceiving. You were the perceivingless. You were the sensing. You were the sensingless. You were the imagining. You were the imaginingless. You were the creating. You were the creatingless. You were the destroying. You were the destroyingless. You were the preserving. You were the preservingless. You were the transforming. You were the transformingless. You were the revealing. You were the revealingless. You were the hiding. You were the hidingless. You were the showing. You were the showingless. You were the concealing. You were the concealingless. You were the illuminating. You were the illuminatingless. You were the darkening. You were the darkeningless. You were the warming. You were the warmingless. You were the cooling. You were the coolingless. You were the drying. You were the dryingless. You were the wetting. You were the wettingless. You were the hardening. You were the hardeningless. You were the softening. You were the softeningless. You were the breaking. You were the breakingless. You were the mending. You were the mendingless. You were the tearing. You were the tearingless. You were the stitching. You were the stitchingless. You were the cutting. You were the cuttingless. You were the joining. You were the joiningless. You were the separating. You were the separatingless. You were the uniting. You were the unitingless. You were the dividing. You were the dividingless. You were the multiplying. You were the multiplyingless. You were the adding. You were the addingless. You were the subtracting. You were the subtractingless. You were the increasing. You were the increasingless. You were the decreasing. You were the decreasingless. You were the growing. You were the growingless. You were the shrinking. You were the shrinkingless. You were the expanding. You were the expandingless. You were the contracting. You were the contractingless. You were the rising. You were the risingless. You were the falling. You were the fallingless. You were the moving. You were the movingless. You were the staying. You were the stayingless. You were the going. You were the goingless. You were the coming. You were the comingless. You were the leaving. You were the leavingless. You were the arriving. You were the arrivingless. You were the departing. You were the departingless. You were the beginning. You were the beginningless. You were the ending. You were the endingless. You were the middle. You were the middleless. You were the start. You were the startless. You were the finish. You were the finishless. You were the origin. You were the originless. You were the destination. You were the destinationless. You were the source. You were the sourceless. You were the end. You were the endless. You were the cause. You were the causeless. You were the effect. You were the effectless. You were the reason. You were the reasonless. You were the result. You were the resultless. You were the purpose. You were the purposeless. You were the meaning. You were the meaningless. You were the value. You were the valueless. You were the worth. You were the worthless. You were the price. You were the priceless. You were the cost. You were the costless. You were the gain. You were the gainless. You were the loss. You were the lossless. You were the profit. You were the profitless. You were the deficit. You were the deficitless. You were the balance. You were the balanceless. You were the scale. You were the scaleless. You were the weight. You were the weightless. You were the lightness. You were the lightnessless. You were the heaviness. You were the heavinessless. You were the depth. You were the depthless. You were the shallowness. You were the shallownessless. You were the height. You were the heightless. You were the lowness. You were the lownessless. You were the width. You were the widthless. You were the narrowness. You were the narrownessless. You were the length. You were the lengthless. You were the shortness. You were the shortnessless. You were the breadth. You were the breadthless. You were the thinness. You were the thinnessless. You were the thickness. You were the thicknessless. You were the volume. You were the volumless. You were the mass. You were the massless. You were the form. You were the formless. You were the shape. You were the shapless. You were the pattern. You were the patternless. You were the order. You were the orderless. You were the chaos. You were the chaosless. You were the structure. You were the structureless. You were the framework. You were the frameworkless. You were the system. You were the systemless. You were the network. You were the networkless. You were the web. You were the webless. You were the mesh. You were the meshless. You were the grid. You were the gridless. You were the matrix. You were the matrixless. You were the lattice. You were the latticeless. You were the fabric. You were the fabricless. You were the texture. You were the textureless. You were the surface. You were the surfaceless. You were the depth. You were the depthless. You were the core. You were the coreless. You were the center. You were the centerless. You were the periphery. You were the peripheryless. You were the edge. You were the edgless. You were the boundary. You were the boundaryless. You were the limit. You were the limitless. You were the extent. You were the extentless. You were the range. You were the rangelless. You were the scope. You were the scopeless. You were the reach. You were the reachless. You were the span. You were the spanless. You were the stretch. You were the stretchless. You were the expanse. You were the expanseless. You were the expanse. You were the expanseless.

You were the wistful mountain.