Mostly Good

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The first compromise was so small it did not feel like a compromise at all. It was March 1987 and Jack Delaney was sitting in his office at Paramount, a room with a view of the Hollywood sign if you stood on the filing cabinet and craned your neck to the left, when Richard Ashby from legal called and asked if he could take a look at a contract for a writer named Michael Chen.

Michael Chen had written a script about a cop who could see the future but only in fourteen-second increments. The studio had bought it for a hundred and twenty thousand dollars, which was a good price for a first-time writer, and now they needed Michael Chen to sign a rider that gave them sequel rights in perpetuity across all media now known or hereafter devised. The problem was that Michael Chen's agent was objecting to the perpetuity clause, and the production was supposed to start shooting in six weeks, and Richard Ashby from legal was asking Jack if he could, as a personal favor, explain to Michael Chen that the rider was standard and everyone signed it and it was really in his best interest.

Jack had been a screenwriter himself once. He had written three episodes of Hill Street Blues in 1983 and a feature about a jazz pianist that had won a prize at Sundance but never got made. He understood, in the abstract, that perpetuity clauses were not standard and that "across all media now known or hereafter devised" was the kind of language that lawyers put in contracts when they wanted to own everything forever. But he also understood that the studio had spent four hundred thousand dollars on pre-production already and that if Michael Chen did not sign the rider, the project would collapse and thirty-seven crew members would lose their jobs and Richard Ashby from legal would look bad, and Richard Ashby from legal was the man who signed Jack's paychecks.

"Just this once," Jack said to himself, and he called Michael Chen and explained that the rider was standard and that everyone signed it and that it was really in his best interest, and Michael Chen, who was twenty-six years old and had never sold a script before and trusted Jack Delaney because Jack Delaney had been a writer once, signed the rider.

That was the first compromise. It weighed approximately zero grams on the moral scale that Jack carried in his head, the scale that told him he was mostly good, mostly honest, a reasonable man making reasonable decisions in an unreasonable industry.

The second compromise came in April. A producer named Debbie Hargrove had a problem with a location permit. Her film needed to shoot a car chase on Mulholland Drive, but the city had denied the permit because the chase involved a stunt that the fire marshal had not approved. Debbie asked Jack if he knew anyone at the permit office. Jack did not know anyone at the permit office, but he knew a man named Frank Costello who knew a man named Sal who knew a woman named Patricia whose brother-in-law worked at the Department of Transportation.

Jack called Frank, who called Sal, who called Patricia, and Patricia's brother-in-law reviewed the permit application and determined that the fire marshal's concerns could be addressed with "additional safety personnel" who turned out to be two off-duty paramedics paid in cash by the production company. The permit was approved. The car chase was shot. The film, which was about a divorced father trying to win back his ex-wife by stealing a giraffe from the Los Angeles Zoo, grossed forty-seven million dollars that summer and was generally considered a triumph of light entertainment.

"It's not illegal," Jack told himself, driving home that night in his leased Mercedes, the one with the leather seats that smelled like a handbag store. "It's just... creative." The word glowed in his mind like a neon sign, warm and comforting and entirely true. Creative. He was a creative problem-solver. That was what they paid him for.

The third compromise was the envelope.

It arrived at his office in May, delivered by a production assistant who set it on his desk without comment and left. The envelope was manila and unmarked and contained ten thousand dollars in hundred-dollar bills. There was no note. There was no return address. Jack counted the money twice, then called Frank Costello, who said, "Don't worry about it," and hung up.

Jack did not call the police. He did not call the IRS. He put the envelope in his briefcase and drove to the Bank of America on Wilshire and deposited the money in five installments of two thousand dollars each, over five consecutive days, which was technically not structuring because he was not doing it to evade reporting requirements — he was doing it because he did not know what else to do.

He told his wife about the envelope. Not all of it. He said someone had given him a bonus, which was true in the way that most things Jack said were true, which was to say: approximately true, directionally true, true enough to pass a casual inspection but not a careful one.

His wife, Claudia, was a set decorator who worked sixteen-hour days on a sitcom about a family of werewolves living in suburban Pasadena. She was too tired to ask follow-up questions. She kissed him on the cheek and said, "That's great, honey," and fell asleep on the couch with the television still on, a commercial for diet soda flickering across her face in shades of blue.

The fourth compromise was not a decision. It was an absence of a decision, which Jack had learned was the same thing.

In June, Richard Ashby from legal asked Jack to review a script that had been written by a team of uncredited writers — "ghosts," the industry called them, men and women who wrote entire screenplays for scale wages and then watched their names vanish from the final product. The script was a horror movie about a haunted swimming pool, and the ghosts had not been paid, and their contracts were complicated, and Richard Ashby needed Jack to make the complications go away.

"You've handled these before," Richard said, and it was true. Jack had handled these before. The first time, he had felt sick about it and had called the Writers Guild to ask about protections for uncredited writers and had been told that the Guild was "aware of the issue" and was "working on it" and would "be in touch," which meant they would never be in touch. The second time, he had felt less sick. By the sixth time, which was now, he felt nothing at all, which was the most frightening feeling of all — worse than guilt, worse than shame, because guilt and shame were signs that the moral compass was still spinning, that the needle was still trying to find north.

He signed the paperwork. The haunted swimming pool script went into production. The ghosts were not paid. Jack took Claudia to Spago for dinner that night and ordered the osso buco and a bottle of Brunello that cost more than any of the ghosts had earned for six months of work.

"It's the system," he told himself, swirling the wine in his glass, watching the light catch its garnet depths. "I didn't create the system. I'm just operating within it. Everyone operates within it."

The fifth compromise was the daughter.

His daughter, Sarah, was fifteen years old, a sophomore at Brentwood School, a girl who wore Joy Division T-shirts and wrote poetry about nuclear winter and had recently started asking questions about where the money came from. Not the Mercedes money — that was salary, that was visible, that had a W-2 attached to it — but the other money, the envelope money, the envelope-after-envelope money that had been arriving every month since May, always manila, always unmarked, always exactly ten thousand dollars.

"Why do we have three credit cards now?" Sarah asked at dinner one night, poking at her pasta with the tines of her fork. "We used to have one."

Jack looked at Claudia. Claudia looked at her plate. The silence stretched across the dining room table like a sheet of glass, the kind you can see through but cannot break.

"Dad's work is going well," Claudia said.

"Dad's work," Sarah said, "is fixing problems for movie studios. How many problems can there be?"

Jack laughed. It was a good question. How many problems could there be? A hundred problems a year? A thousand? An infinite number of problems, each one generating a ten-thousand-dollar envelope, each envelope deposited in five installments of two thousand dollars, the whole thing spinning outward like a galaxy made of paper and ink and the slow, patient accumulation of things he had not meant to become?

"Lots," he said. "There are lots of problems."

The sixth compromise was the one that broke the scale.

It was September 1987. The stock market had not crashed yet — that would happen in October, and Jack would lose the Mercedes and the Spago dinners and the third credit card, but right now it was September and everything was still rising, still expanding, still glowing with the borrowed light of things that could not last.

A director named Vincent Trujillo had a problem. He was shooting a film in East Los Angeles, a crime drama about a detective who solved murders by talking to the victims' ghosts, and one of his actors had been arrested for cocaine possession, and the arrest had been reported by a local journalist named Rosa Mendoza, and Rosa Mendoza was planning to write a follow-up article that would seriously damage the film's pre-release publicity campaign, which had already cost one point three million dollars.

Richard Ashby from legal called Jack. "We need you to talk to her," Richard said. "Not threaten her. Not bribe her. Just... explain the situation. Explain how many jobs are at stake. Explain how the article would hurt not just the studio but the local economy. Make her see."

Jack drove to East Los Angeles in the Mercedes, which was now six months old and had a scratch on the driver's side door from a parking garage pillar he had not seen, or had not wanted to see. Rosa Mendoza worked out of a small office on Cesar Chavez Avenue, a room with a metal desk and a filing cabinet and a poster of Cesar Chavez himself, which Jack noticed because he noticed everything now — it was his job to notice everything, to read the room, to find the angle, to make the problem go away.

He explained the situation. He explained how many jobs were at stake. He did not threaten her. He did not bribe her. But he mentioned, casually, in passing, almost as an afterthought, that he had heard her brother was applying for a small-business loan at a bank where Frank Costello knew the lending officer, and that he hoped the loan would be approved, and that it would really be a shame if there were any... complications.

Rosa Mendoza's face did not change. She was a professional, and professionals do not show fear. But something behind her eyes shifted — a door closing, a light dimming — and Jack saw it, and he knew she knew he had seen it, and the transaction was complete. The article was not written. The film opened at number one at the box office. Vincent Trujillo sent Jack a bottle of Scotch that cost six hundred dollars and a card that said, "You're a lifesaver."

That night, Jack stood in front of the bathroom mirror in the house in Brentwood — four bedrooms, swimming pool, Spanish Colonial architecture, so far from the one-bedroom apartment in Van Nuys where he had written the Hill Street Blues episodes on a typewriter with a broken "e" key — and he looked at his face.

He looked for a long time. Longer than he had ever looked at his own face before. He studied the lines around his eyes, the grey at his temples, the slight asymmetry of his mouth that he had never noticed until this moment. The face looking back was familiar — it was his face, the face he had seen every morning for forty-three years — but it was also strange, a stranger's face, the face of a man who did things that Jack Delaney would not do.

Except he did do them. He had done them. One at a time, each one individually defensible, each one small enough to fit through the narrow gate of conscience, and now here he was, on the other side of the gate, in a country he had not intended to visit and did not know how to leave.

He tried to remember the first compromise. The Michael Chen contract. March 1987. Six months ago. A different man had signed that contract — an older, wearier man now seemed to occupy Jack's body, and the younger man, the one who had written about jazz pianists and believed in the Writers Guild, had receded into a past that felt like a story about someone else.

"It's not that I'm bad," Jack said to his reflection. "It's that the definition keeps changing."

The reflection did not respond. But something in the mirror — some trick of the bathroom light, some angle of the glass — made it seem, for just a moment, as though the reflection's mouth was moving at a slightly different speed than Jack's, as though it was about to say something but had decided, at the last moment, to remain silent.

The seventh compromise was the one he did not recognize as a compromise.

In October 1987, the stock market crashed, and Jack lost most of the money, and the envelopes stopped coming, and Richard Ashby from legal was fired for reasons that were not explained but that everyone understood. Jack drove the Mercedes, which was now eight months old and had two scratches and a dent in the rear bumper, to a used-car lot in Reseda and sold it for less than he owed on the lease. The gap between what he owed and what he had was seven thousand dollars, which he borrowed from Claudia's retirement account without telling her.

He found a new job in November, working for an independent producer named Barry Kellerman who made low-budget horror films in warehouses in North Hollywood. The pay was a third of what he had made at Paramount, but Barry did not ask him to compromise anything, because there was nothing left to compromise — independent horror films were made on money that had been laundered so many times it came out clean, and the moral calculus was so simple it barely counted as calculus at all.

One night in December, Jack was driving home from a warehouse shoot — a slasher film about a killer who murdered teenagers with a gardening trowel, which was either the dumbest idea Jack had ever heard or the most brilliant, he could not decide which — when he passed a newsstand and saw the front page of the Los Angeles Times. The headline was about the Iran-Contra hearings, something about Oliver North and shredded documents and the slow, grinding machinery of accountability. Jack did not stop to read the article. He did not need to. He understood, better than most people, how it felt to look at your own actions and not recognize them.

He arrived home at eleven-thirty. Claudia was asleep on the couch, the television still on, a different commercial flickering across her face — this one for long-distance telephone service, a smiling woman calling her mother in Chicago. Sarah was in her room, writing poetry about nuclear winter, or about boys, or about whatever fifteen-year-old girls wrote poetry about. The house was quiet. The swimming pool was dark. The Spanish Colonial walls were holding up, though there was a crack in the living-room ceiling that had been getting wider.

Jack went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He did this every night now. It had become a ritual, a calibration, a way of checking whether he was still the same person he had been twenty-four hours earlier.

He was not. He was never the same person. Every day changed him by fractions of a degree, and the changes were too small to measure in the moment but too large to ignore in the aggregate. He was a ship that had been sailing in a straight line for six months and had somehow ended up in a different ocean, on a different planet, under different stars.

He tried to count the compromises. Michael Chen. The location permit. The first envelope. The ghost writers. The things he had not said to Claudia. The things he had not said to Sarah. Rosa Mendoza. The seven thousand dollars from the retirement account. Each one was a dot on a graph, and the dots, when connected, formed a line that pointed in a direction Jack had not intended to travel.

But here was the thing: there was no line. There were only dots. Each dot was separate, isolated, surrounded by the empty space of justification. The human mind could not hold all the dots at once — it could only see one or two at a time, the most recent ones, the ones still glowing with residual guilt, while the earlier ones faded into the background noise of memory.

This was the design. This was the genius of slow corruption. It did not ask you to become evil. It asked you to become slightly less good, and then slightly less good again, and then slightly less good again, until the distance between "good" and "less good" was so vast that no one — not even you — could remember where the line had been.

Jack turned off the bathroom light. The mirror went dark. But just before it did, he saw something — or thought he saw something — in the reflection's eyes. A look that he had not intended to make. A look of enormous sadness, or enormous patience, or enormous curiosity, as though the reflection was waiting for something, waiting for Jack to notice something, waiting for Jack to understand that the watching went both ways and always had.

He went to bed. He lay beside Claudia, who murmured something in her sleep and turned toward him, her hand finding his chest the way it had every night for seventeen years. He closed his eyes. He thought about the stars — the real stars, the ones visible from the desert if you drove far enough from the city lights — and he wondered if they were still there, billions of them, each one a distant sun, each one watching the Earth with the patience of something that had been observing for billions of years and would continue observing for billions more.

He fell asleep. He dreamed of feathers, white feathers falling through a sky the colour of a television tuned to a dead channel, and in the dream he was both the one watching and the one being watched, and he could not tell which was which, and it did not matter, and the not-mattering was the most terrifying thing of all.

The next morning, he woke up and made coffee and drove to North Hollywood and shot another scene of the gardening-trowel slasher film, and he told himself he was mostly good, mostly honest, and the scale in his head registered this as true, and the needle on the compass pointed toward a north that he was no longer certain existed.


Based on the pending patent application document (202610351844.3), creationstamp.com has calculated the tensor feature encoding of this article:

OTMES-v2-UNKNOWN

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